Ian Hawkins 0:02
Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.
So when I was thinking about the the title for this video, the song that came to me was Regurgitator. Drinking beer is awesome. If you're familiar with it, it's a cracker. I know back in my big party days it was it was like an anthem. But like I've said there it can be an unpopular opinion, right. And there are so many people who are trying to be the best with their health, they're also trying to balance everything they're trying to balance. And alcohol can be a point of such frustration, concern all of these different things that come up in our life, like the feeling of guilt, right? Like, the actual moment might be great, you've gone out and you have a lot of fun. But then the next day, feeling like crap, the guilt of wasted a day because I'm not able to do anything, or maybe you're feeling a bit worse mentally or physically or emotionally or whatever it is. And then the guilt comes in. And then you're having those conversations with your self again. And none of that's helpful. And it's just another area in your life where that feeling of inadequacy or lacking belief can show up and really drag you down further. Now, one of the problems is, is that there are so many messages out there around health. And at the same time, you're getting bombarded from all angles around really clever marketing, some not so clever marketing, but there's but there's like a constant barrage of information from both sides. On one hand, like, well, I've got to be healthy, I'm going to the right thing. And I'm getting older, I'm going to make sure I look after myself. But the other side of that make sure have fun, I'm going to be social, I've got to do all these things, right, there's more pressure that you lump on yourself. Now I know there's a whole heap of people out there that have spent so much time focusing on their health, that they've stopped having fun, because they've got all these other messages playing out in their head. Now, like with any now use the word addiction, but maybe that's not the right word, any device with that you're using for a particular purpose. It's all about the intention that you placed before. So if you're looking at drinking, for example, if you're going out there, and it's just an avoidance tactic, it's it's a coping mechanism for whatever it is that you've got going on in your life or to avoid whatever it is, it's going on in your life, well, then that's where it becomes a problem. That's where there are certain elements of of your behavior, which are going to which are gonna have a negative impact. But like with anything with the right intention, and because it's fun, right? Like, I love going out and having a drink with friends and having relaxing and having fun. And I don't see any problem with that. And there might be a whole heap of you out there that are like, well, you know, alcohol will do this, and it will do that. And sure it does. But so lots of different things. So so whatever. Like I said that that vise you're using as a tactic. It's going to have a negative impact if you're using it as a coping mechanism. Now for some people, it might be some other form of like food, maybe some other drug, caffeine, sex porn, whatever it is. If you're using it as a coping mechanism, it's going to create more of that guilt. It's going to have you feeling like you are less than what you are and it's going to continue in this pattern of avoiding what's really going on. For me, if we just come back to alcohol, it's
what it does show up if you drinking is shows you what needs you have, and strongly, what needs aren't being met. So if you're reacting in a in a angry way, then there's something going on there. If you're gonna get really emotional, then something's going on there if you have a negative impact on your mental health is something that needs addressing. So everything that we do, gives us feedback from life around what's going on. So if you're treating it as a coping mechanism as avoidance, then it's time to just take stock, and just have a think about well, what what is it that I'm running from? What can I change that I can actually just have that freedom just to make choices based on what I think is going to be the most enjoyable for my life, without then having the feelings of guilt or shame or inadequacy or whatever, whatever other feelings might show up, or anything that's going to further lessen your, your belief in yourself your ability to back yourself? What if we could just back yourself and just make choices that were fun, and we're going to give you even more joy in your life and more enjoyment, and all those different elements that we really want in our life, having this exact conversation with a client this week, and was pointing out to them that like, these different things are okay, like, they got themselves in a bit of a state where they were like, Oh, I shouldn't be doing this exactly what I was describing, and then feeling guilty about it. And it is such a relief for them to just go. Okay, I'm glad you said that, because I was getting myself stuck in, in this whole quandary in my head going round in circles about good, bad, indifferent all of the rest of them, and then the guilt that they were feeling as a result of just going and doing something that they wanted to do anyway. So most important thing is to the intention that you put behind anything, and including those other vices that I talked about before, if you're going in, if you look at your relationship at the moment, if if your need around sex, for example, is just because you've got a physical need that getting these getting met, and that's where you are using that as a coping mechanism, well, then it's not going to be the right result for you or for your partner. But if you are going into it from a perspective of it's an opportunity for me to connect deeper more intimately with the most important person in my world, then that's a completely different conversation and a completely different feeling and a completely different level of joy than you will experience anywhere else. So the action is to take stock has self awareness and look at what are the intention that you are putting into these different behaviors, particularly the behaviors that maybe you are leaving you feeling in any of these states like guilty or or really questioning your decisions after the fact.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform