Ep 440 - Why TF Am I Cleaning Up This Mess?!

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request. If any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

I want to let you want a little secret. My dreams, going a bit crazy a few years back. And when I learn to help my coach at the time is the information that was coming through was useful was a message message from my unconscious from my higher self. And it was specific to my business. Specific to the work I do specific to helping people. So I learned to decode dreams. The dream I had the other day was two people plenty up shared actual shit. And one of them says to the other one, why the fuck? Are we cleaning up this shit? Now, what does that mean? You dreamy about shit. It's a stressful situation that you want to get rid of. It's about experiencing difficult emotions. And specifically in the dream, they were cleaning up shit that wasn't theirs. They were cleaning up a whole lot of stuff that wasn't there. So someone else's stress someone else's emotions. And they were feeling like they were having to clean it up. Now you may have experienced this yourself in a moment where someone else's got something crashing down around, around, maybe it's a relationship that you're in, where it's someone's bought their stuff, they're stress their emotions to the table, and they're trying to draw you into it. And they do. And then suddenly you're immersed in it. And there might be part of you that eventually thinks are to keep that piece I'll apologize. But then there's also a party going what what, what am I even done here? So why am I sharing this, because it's something that I've mentioned before about. For those of us who are particularly sensitive to other people's emotions, we grow up feeling responsible for other people's stuff that plays out in their behavior plays out in their relationships. And we take on responsibility for things when things go wrong. Ultimately, though, your unconscious is screaming at you to do the opposite, to take responsibility for your part. To manage your own stress and emotions. It's hard enough doing that without piling on a whole lot of other people's stuff on top of you. Because when you're a sensitive person, you walk around picking up bricks from other people, you talk to them, you take on a bit of this stuff and another brick to the path and you pull the bricks up on your back and you wonder why you're tired. You wonder why you're exhausted. You wonder why they get overwhelmed the overthink because you're dealing with so much stuff. And then when you get in a discussion with with someone you're in a relationship with anything from a partner, friend, sibling, parent, child, any any sort of work colleague, and it gets a bit testy. And suddenly you're dealing with all their stuff. A really simple level. Think of how many times you drive down the road, someone's having a bad day. They cut you off or they do something and then they yell at you. And then you spend the rest of your day or at the very least the next period of time. angry and frustrated because this person's reaction, you've just absorbed their crap their shit and taken it with you it's time to free yourself of this responsibility. Repeat after me, I am only responsible for how I feel. I'm only responsible for my mess. Catch yourself every time you buy into other people's stuff, because you have a big heart and you're a natural nurturer and carer. You really got to helping people. And it's not about stopping that you want to continue to be that person because it actually gives you so much joy. But no one is to your detriment. Not when people spit back their stuff at you. Because that's an environment that will only cause you more pain, stress, exhaustion. And it's not yours. It's not your responsibility to take. So be aware, catch yourself. And when you do, as much as possible, stop yourself in your tracks, question everything in those circumstances. That is not to say, be an asshole about it, and go back with any sort of aggression or just dismiss people or walk away. But instead, bring a calm bring a ability to breathe. And just to ask curious questions about why they're reacting the way they are. Because when you can have that ability to just bounce off people. So you can just hold up a mirror to them so they can face their own stuff, fix up their own mess, clean their own shit. You're going to feel so much better. They're going to step out of victimhood takes courage. But it's necessary. It takes strength. But it's a strength that you'll never regret. You'll always be thankful you took that stead because it's not sustainable to continue to give like that, because it's over giving. And it's exhausting. And ultimately it will kill you.

And I'm not being dramatic or overstated by saying that there's enough of your own stuff to worry about without having to take on a whole lot of other people's stuff because it will have a detrimental impact to your physical well being. slowly eat away at you until it stops being slow. And it all catches up with you. Just remember that phrase, I am only responsible for how I feel, Canada Europe. I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at E and Hawkins coaching.com. You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform