Ep 443 - This Pattern Is Making You Miserable…..And Others Don’t Like It!

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

Pitch of is you've just ordered something at a restaurant or fast food place or shop that sells food or whatever it is similar. And then it comes out and it's not quite what you wanted. Or worse, it's not really close to what you want it. But you accepted. You don't want to complain, you don't want to be that person. You don't want to make it fast. Maybe this party doesn't want to make them feel bad. Maybe you don't make a scene. So you just accept it. Then you complain about it. You tell everyone that will listen. Have I stuffed it up. It's a pattern. Finding negativity in these situations, situations you could have controlled that you could have changed. On the value if I've paid for something, I want what I want, I want what I asked for. Now I say this, the old me would have just taken it, because I'd be that person those described before. But it keeps you negative and keeps you stuck. And you're saying to the universe, you're not prepared to stand up for what you want. So it's a simple thing like ordering a meal. But it becomes the pattern that plays out everywhere else in your life. You're not happy with what life showing you you're not happy with how people are treating you. You go away, you complain to everyone and listen. And then you start becoming this negative person, the people they want to be around or misery loves company. So you end up attracting other people. You sit around in your pity parties complaining about the state of things, whinging, moaning, complaining, negativity. And it all starts because you didn't stand up for yourself in the first place.

Even on those little things, being prepared to ask for what it is that you want. Being prepared, prepared to stand up and say that's not what I asked for. Particularly if you've invested something into it, when that's money, time energy with the exchange for a certain result. Often money's involved, but usually just going up to get some takeaway. But sometimes the investment is well, the agreement, I'm going to do this and you're going to do that. And then someone doesn't do what they agreed on. And then you just tolerate it. Again, I say this from a place of I used to do this used to just accept people trampling over me and my needs not respecting it because I wasn't respecting myself. I wasn't standing up for myself being clear about what I wanted, and then making sure I got it there's some somewhere in your past. That behavior was validated. Usually from parents, probably they modeled the same behavior. not their fault, as I always say, they want the best with what they were brought up with as well. But you're changing generations because it stops with you. No more, you know doing this anymore. rewrite the story. Use that journal process. Catch yourself when you do it, well catch yourself when you're done. When you do appreciate that, celebrate it as a win. And when you don't ask questions, write down what you could have done better. Start reprogramming your unconscious, so that you can start taking different steps, so that you can stand up for what you want, what you believe, and be rewarded for that. Because you deserve it, everyone does. Now doesn't mean that someone else misses out because you get what you want. Just because you go back to a restaurant and someone, maybe someone's going to get in trouble because they marked up your order. Now, they'll get where they need to, which is a reminder, you need to make sure that you're doing it at this certain level. And even if to the extreme, they get fired, or that they will have to learn that lesson. If not that time when it repeats, because that's what life does, it repeats the lesson until you learn it. So by you not standing up for yourself to try and protect other people and their feelings, you're actually keeping them them in victimhood and you're keeping them stuck, the moment you stand up, you become a role model of it. And they have to deal with whatever comes from that. So you're not just setting yourself free, but you're setting them free as well. And if you're not going to do it for yourself, do it for every other person you come in contact with. Do for your children who are watching, who are watching you and do for any other person that then will get what they need. Be able to step out of victimhood and step into their power so they can stand up for themselves too.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform