Ep 486 - Random Sadness

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

Grief shows up in our life in so many different ways. probably way more than you can even contemplate and definitely more than what you would relate to the word grief. Sometimes we just have moments where we feel sad out of the blue, we feel down maybe even a little bit depressed, maybe worse. Just don't know why just seems to come in and nowhere. There again, like I said in the last episode, there's not one easy answer to this. But he is what I know is having a big impact for you. And it's the high amount of pressure and expectation you place on yourself. More than likely, you had parents who set a high standard for themselves. And your, what you witnessed of them was them working hard. Busy potentially, like walking and working a lot. And yeah, like high expectations on themselves. And maybe on you maybe not. But generally we witnessed this. And then as a child, we compare ourselves. We want to be at that level. And the comparison is unfair. So we spend so much of our life, not being able to meet up to this comparison that's set within us. This grief of not being good enough of not being enough. So we come down in ourselves. It's hard work. It's exhausting and doesn't feel good. We don't know why. So you might have a moment where you were you were expected to get a certain thing done. And you didn't really feel like it, maybe you were a bit burned out, you didn't realize and you just sort of caught procrastinated or you sat around or you got distracted or whatever else. And then you start coming down on yourself even more, being even harder on yourself because you didn't do it. And you feel like you're wasted time wasted opportunity. The grief of this high expectation you've been placing on yourself from a young age. The first step is to be kinder to yourself. And if you haven't got it done, well there's an underlying reason. It's not because you're useless as well, because you're this or that or the other. There's something going on that needs attention. More often than non you need a good wrist. Or you need some structure and you need a plan, some accountability, some validation, heaps of different areas. That comparison that you'd be able to identify that shows up at different times when you look out there at what the the rest of the world is doing anything. I'm not waking up to that. Really what's going on is it's this high expectation you place on yourself that you're never going to meet because it's the childhood grief of not not living up to expectations or the or the standard that you had modeled to you. completely unfair. And yet it's playing out now as an adult. So you're down yourself. That doesn't feel good. And that's why can come on randomly feels randomly but really, there's a pattern playing out. And it can be a minor thing. It can be a small thing. One of the other areas where random sadness comes in, can be, for all you empaths out there, which I'd say if not all of you, most of you, where you actually just tap into someone else's sadness. It's not yours at all. It's someone that you are in contact with closely, what you just spoke to, or you're thinking about is a bit down. And you're carrying that you're feeling responsible for how, how they are, unconsciously, consciously, not thinking about it at all. But we're all connected, particularly those people closest to us. So suddenly, something comes on, you're like, where is this coming from? It's just remembering, you're not responsible for other how other people are feeling. And you're only responsible for your own feeling, to set yourself expectations of how you want to be. and work towards them. Knowing that you're never going to hit that really, really high level that you set for yourself on a consistent basis, but you can get close. And you can celebrate that. And be kind yourself in the days when things don't go 100%. Because that's just gonna happen sometimes keep striving to be better every day, a little bit better, incremental improvements. Just because you do really well at one moment, doesn't mean you should assume that you're capable of doing that all day every day. And no doubt you can improve. But the best improvement and sustainable improvement is those incremental steps a little bit better every day a little bit better every day. In the book, The Slight Edge, the author talks about if you take out compounding, but you just look at everyday trying to get point 1% better every day, over the course of a year, be 100% improvement from where you were put 1% improvement every day, that seems so easy, right? So work towards that just a little better, a little better, a little better. Over the course of the year, that's huge. And of course, if the sadness continues to play out, you don't feel like you're able to get it then make sure you get home. Because it might be some of the you're missing that you can't quite identify that you might just need a point in the right direction. There might be a pattern that's playing out that needs a circuit breaker. And sometimes we need help with this. We'll talk about this all the time. It's why I have not one coach but two coaches. One specifically around business one more of my personal stuff, but they both overlap. There was a need that external voice is going to point me in the right direction. So find someone who you can reach out to that you can externalize what's going on in your head. And worst case, get yourself a journal and use that process to get it out of your head and make more sense of what's going on. Take those incremental steps of change, and watch things improve. I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform