Ep 516 - Improve Your Communication (The Singing Limp)

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it. You ever had one of those chronic injuries that no matter what happens? You do rehab seems to get better, then you have a setback. And it's always kind of lingering round. Maybe it's like a something of the back or an ankle and the something. Maybe you got a few of them a shoulder where it's it's good, but never quite back to 100%. Now, this happens with our voice as well. Just as I'm saying this, I was thinking back to some of the older videos that I recorded, I look back at some of those recently. And my voice sounds quite different. Now, why is that? Well, it's because of the singing limp. And it's not just your singing voice. It's just your voice in general, the concept of the seeing limb came to me, not came to me I was watching a singing teacher talking about it. And he was talking about similar language that I talked about in terms of things that get trapped in our body and then repeat. And he was saying that when we sing as a young person, we hear people's reaction to our singing. And sometimes the reaction is positive, sometimes maybe not so much. Sometimes the reaction is from someone who means well, sometimes it's because they're running their own patterns. And maybe they're trying to cut you down so they can feel better. They used to be me, I used to be one of those people. I'd be forever being sarcastic and cutting other people down because I was really didn't feel good about who I was. So when you're going through that singing process, you might have encouragement, but it might not have been delivered in the best way. But every time you hear something, that regardless of what the words were or the reaction that you got from people, if it was anything less than something that made you feel good, then the reaction is maybe that's, I mean, it wasn't so good there. So you develop this little limp, which brings you to the level of belief you have around it. So if your singing voice slowly reduces over time, as you get more feedback to suggest that it's no good. Then you start going well I cannot sing, the limb gets stronger. Maybe someone hears you seeing when you're in that place of that limps really starting to kick in now and they go, Oh, what's going on with your voice, then the more you believe the hype, more beat, you believe the story, the limb gets stronger and stronger, your voice changes. So when we talk about communication, it can play out the same way someone reacts in a way to something that you've said, in a less than positive way. Even if it was just you said something, which maybe when you were a little was really cute and somebody laughed, but you took it as a negative reaction, them laughing at you, then you reduce the strength of your voice, the power of your conviction or some other part of your strengthen communication. And you start to hide slowly as you develop a limp in your your ability to communicate. When I say limp, your ability to communicate at your highest. And yes, that is voice but it's also body language is also the energy that comes with that. If you're trying to say something with conviction, but you're just full of self doubt that's going to come out in how you're talking. And that link will continue. I think back to the injury. The reason the injury staying there is because you haven't dealt with whatever the root cause was. Because we get different things have happened to our body as a result. have different things that are going on in our life. We manifested. I've mentioned on this pod before about when i is the extreme example when I shattered my leg because I had so much stuff coming and overwhelming me. I didn't feel supported, I didn't feel strong to stand on my own two feet. And I literally said to my friends, odds are I'll break my leg tomorrow, football have to worry about any of this sort of stuff. And that's exactly what happened. That's the extreme rub. But little thoughts and reactions and different things like past moments, then create these patterns, were not saying it's your fault, you got injured, or the injuries happen because of anything careless, but rather this unconscious part of you playing out, which might be taking more risks, which might be going into certain situations that maybe you shouldn't, or just going in a different way, maybe a bit more relaxed than you should be. Maybe you're too tense, whatever it is. So it's not about assigning blame or blaming yourself or saying, I'm, I'm doing this to myself, it's just showing you that there's something that needs attention. So how do we start to communicate better? Let's start with getting really clear on how it is that you want to communicate? What is it that you want to be better at how do you want to be better, whether it's seeing whether it's being able to be more confident, whether it's being able to be more calm, more certain, maybe there's an aspirational person that you see communicate, you're thinking, I want to be able to communicate more like that. I want someone to be able to receive the message, how I wanted it to be received, I want to be clear, I want to be confident, whatever it is. Because you could look at this and go, Ah, just want it to be better. And your unconscious mind does what it does, and it starts to look for solutions for better. Now you might get something that's better and go Well, that's not quite what I was looking for. So the more specific you can be around how you want to communicate will make all the difference. If you can't get clear on what it is you want reverse engineer it. What is it in your communication now that you don't love, you would like to change? And then look for what is the positive version of that. So if at the moment you get frustrated, and you react too quickly, then what you're looking for is I want to be able to react calmly, more measured, I want to be able to think about my answer before I deliver it. So you see what I mean. Right? So reverse engineer, what is it that you don't like about your communication now? What is the reaction that you're getting out of people? Is it that they're not really hearing you? Is it that they're cutting you off? mid sentence? Is it that you say what you feel is really clearly and calmly and they saying to you while you're getting upset, something like that I had this with a colleague earlier. Sorry, I saw my coach earlier. And they're in a work environment where they've had a few challenges with staff telling them that they've been overly aggressive and maybe talking down to them. And he's like, really feel like I'm doing a good job of it. And yet, there's something that's not quite right there. So whatever it is for you get clear on what it is that you want to change and then look at, well, how can I do things differently? And whatever the most specific thing is, be able to externalize that, to getting it down in your journal about okay, here's the thing I need to pay most attention to this is what I really want to be better. Getting there getting it written down, externalize talk it out with someone at the very least writing in your journal, but the power of the voice right? This is part of why my voice has changed so much over the last 10 years is how much I'm externalizing releasing that tension in my throat, releasing that tension in other parts of my body which is also impacting my ability to communicate by

externalizing and then learning strategies to be able to change and I've been down so many different paths around making change. Because I'm just I want things to be better and I know you do too. It's part of why the change to the to from this podcast to the Self Mastery podcast. More strategies on how to improve more strategies on how to get better in all areas of your life. And it starts with clarity starts with certainty. And it starts with you putting pen to paper, then externalizing in a place where you're going to get good reaction, good feedback, good strategy, good process, and then it's about taking the action. So you might be starting to realize that a lot of the solutions that I talk about are very similar. And as always, the more skilled the person is that you sit down with an externalized to, the better the results are that you're going to give. But you also have to know the sort of person that you want to have that conversation with. And that's why you need to get clarity. Because not anyone will do for those situations. It needs to be someone that is talking your language that you feel aligned to, that you're confident can help because they've been through something similar. So whatever your communication limpias whatever your area of your communication that needs to be improved, I'm telling you it is possible and you will be able to change. It starts with clarity clean, don't go and do that now. I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform