Trying To Control The Outcome

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next, before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you, during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

Controll is so hardwired that you may not even notice some of the ways in which it's still turning up in your life. Recovering Control Freak learning up and controlling, learning, learning and growing up in a controlling and controlling environment, you then tend to adopt those characteristics and try and control different people in your world and tell them what you should or shouldn't do. And it may be more subtle. And then what's interesting is some of the shadow for a client just recently, and they were talking about how interaction with their young child and their the child just had a bit of a running, running, but they've done something that they shouldn't have had a fairly direct conversation with them. And he said He then grabbed the child afterwards and then started using it as a teaching moment. And then strongly suggesting on how she should move forward. And while essentially nothing wrong with all of that. I just asked him I said, Is that what your daughter needed at that time? Or are you trying to control the outcome? And he said, This is great. And to his credit, he goes, God, Jehovah Have a think at your own lot about your own life, thinking about where you're trying to control the outcome, more subtle way. So we talked about what would have been the better solution. And I said, What if you just given her a hug? Or no, just asking you not even telling? Just saying Do you need a hug and giving you a safe place to process what you just experience? And he's like, Yeah, I like that. That's a much better, much better reaction. So another thing I see is people trying to share what they know about the world in a way that is full of fear. It's full of coercion, and often it's the same people who are pointing out the very same trait from above, and I say above media governance, people have power, people in power, trying to share this knowledge so that some way that they can try and control other people's destiny, when really, really they're just trying to control something within themselves. By I guess, bringing safety to their own life by feeling like they're not alone in bringing other people in to what they've experienced. So they feel connected through that. And it's not effective. And people don't want to be controlled, and they want to be told what to do. And whether it's direct or indirect or subtle. If there's any any way shape or form form, even at unconscious level, any form of control thrown and people can get a sense of something doesn't sit right. Doesn't feel right. You've probably been on the other end of it. Maybe in your closest relationships. At some point, you've done it yourself too, because we're human and we make mistakes and we've got patterns

so start identifying in your life. You can allow even more where you can let people have their own journey where you can realize the full power of unconditional love or letting people have their own journey. Sure, give support and advice when it's asked for sure create boundaries. People particularly for as a parent or child younger, said responsibility to help them stay safe and, and empower them. But not from a place of control. It never works and they eventually grow up and and see through the control and and they soon work out that we can't control them. And it's such a relief when you just let go of that need. Start just live life in a more relaxed way and get more joy out of it as well as be work not for everyone takes courage. Totally worth it.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at en Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform