When Your Partner Needs To Change But Won’t

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you, during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

When you go through growth stage of your life, I know this is definitely true for me, you're suddenly thinking, oh, man, I want everyone to share in this, I want everyone to feel how much better I'm feeling now. And, and there can be a tendency to want to tell everyone. And if you've tried this, you know that that's more often than not met with resistance from people, particularly the people closest to you, because the last thing they want is you telling them what to do or, you know, like, hear about how well you're going, because they're not ready for that people have to be ready for this journey. And that can be frustrating. Because as you grow, you can see how what you're doing is working. And the more you do it, the more you can see how the people that you're with, could do with a healthy dose of what you're doing, of growing of coming up to walk with you on this journey. And then, of course, is a whole lot of different fears and frustrations that can come into your thought process. And if you think about from your partner, so your wife or your husband or or close partner or even business partner, like you get quite agitated, like this singing the same song, they've always song, and you're wanting to plow ahead, and they're just not coming in with you get impatient, you're trying to control them into doing it. And they get the shit to you. When all you're wanting to do is help and all you wanting to do is create a better life for you and for them. It's frustrating, I know it well, because I used to try and do the same thing. I'm a recovering control freak. And I thought the best way to do that would be to like push my wife into doing what I thought she needed to do. All I did was slow down her growth and mine, because I was trying to control. Same thing with my kids. But particularly as I got the teenage years, they started becoming more independent. I don't want to be told, I'll ask if they want your help. But then I want to be told what to do. And trying to control them and trying to make make them grow. Just doesn't work. But it's a what what what does work is continue to be the role model for growth, for change, for strength for courage. And just listen to them. Just be there to listen, don't try and fix. Don't try and control don't try and change. Again I've been there doesn't work. But you'd be a place where they can come and talk and unload. Now I'm talking even when you can see like that someone else's behavior that they're frustrated and the reasons behind it. But if you continue to try and give them answers or reasons, or validate the other person in whatever they're complaining or venting about, then they just won't want to talk to you. Because it's not what they're after. They just want a place to vent and have a safe place for someone to listen. And when you can do that, and continue just to be that role model and just do you and grow and interesting thing happens. They'll find their own way. They'll ask questions if they have them. They want to know about what's working for you because you're not controlling them anymore. So it's become safe for them to ask. It's a beautiful place. and it will set you free.

So if you're at that point, getting agitated, frustration, frustrated, impatient, trying to control the situation more, because you want them to come and join you on this journey. Let go. Give them space to explore for themselves. They'll get all the feedback they need from life. To realize they need to do something without you pushing them. Pushing them will only slow them down. It'll only stop them. It'll only make them feel resentful. Give them space, be an awesome listener, continue to be that strong role model. And that's how you get them. Not just walking with you, but running with you. And man. That's when life gets really exciting.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform.