Why Does It Hurt So Much When The Team Your Support Loses

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfilment and contribution, to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

So when your team loses, when that team you support loses, it can be so infuriating, right? It Can be all range of emotions. I can remember one point like, again, a sign of all the emotional pain I was carrying, or the reaction I used to have was just ridiculous, or the anger that I would have. And it was just really reflection of all my stuff bubbling to the surface. It was I talk about the grief upon grief upon grief, and then something that shouldn't actually be that upsetting, tipped you over the edge. So I had a really interesting point on why that is. Why does it hurt so much. And there was actually a late sportsman talking about so was when Quadra who plays cricket for Australia. And he was talking about him getting upset at when he was talking about when he got out just before scoring 100. And he said, you know, for him, it's like, I've had this great innings. But you know, everyone's so sad for him because he's missed out on scoring 100, which is a week, like you said, a weird milestone in cricket you, you can have a really good innings. But because you don't get only three more runs, then everyone's sort of feeling bad for you, which is just Yeah, it makes sense. But it doesn't make sense at that time at same time. And he was saying the reason why it upsets the family and people around him and fans more than him is because there's an element of them feeling not in control of the situation. And I'm like, Ah, hit the nail on the head. How often do we feel out of control. And that's part of why we get so invested and bought in because we we want something to be for ourselves because of the joy it brings to see other success. We want it to be because we want that person to succeed. And we want to see their joy as well because it feels good when we see other people successful. And when we want something really bad, but we have no control over the outcome that can be really difficult. Same is true with our significant others, friends, children in particular. Ultimately, we might try and control that external. Hey, think about the superstitious stuff. Like you know, you're watching a sporting event. And you might say well, I don't know what to move like if things aren't going well. And so having a think about how often where you're, you're feeling what you can't control things and how that triggers something with inside you. So there's actually two parts at play. And so this the answer is the same is like how can I continue to release old patterns? Either of needing to control the situation usually because you grew up in an environment where that's what you had modelled to you it's pretty normal for my generation, I imagine for most of your you who are listening your generation and and then just seeing Well, where can I release that? What do I need to release? How do I release them? And then same with the emotions that come to the surface when you particularly what they said when your sporting team loses or doesn't play how you wanted them to what is the emotion that's rising to the surface that's coming out so fiercely? And

what do I need to release? Because for me, I didn't want to be acting like that anymore was actually there were times I'd look back and just like shake my head at like my reactions to different thinks like, it's not that important in the big scheme of things in my life, even in the smaller parts of my life, it's not that significant. And yet it would ruin my whole week at times. So I see it now I see, particularly on forums and, and fan groups where things don't go as they want, and they don't get the selections right that according to, you know, these fan experts, and just the reaction of the vitriol that gets slung in all directions at play as coaches. And it's because there's a whole lot of unhealed and hurt people out there who just verbalising and projecting all of their stuff and frustration or really normal behaviour. But you can take back your power, your strength, your self control. By identifying it being aware of it is the first point and then having the courage to go well, I need to do something about it. So if that's something that's you got going on at the moment, I'm gonna be plugging this a lot this week because it's it is on next week for those who keep up to date with the podcast, which I know is not all of you, a lot of you watching it, listening, watching listening to it later, which is fine. But just know if you are listening to it later that my programme, the free programme will be coming up because I run it regularly. But for those who are playing along, up to date, it's next week. The Start programme, go to my website, that you either go to the work with me section and get the Start programme on the homepage and scroll down to not sure where to start, click here or start here or whatever it says and come join me. There's already 35 I think last count 35 people in there for the programme next week, which I'm really excited about hoping to hoping to fill up to 50 this time, which would be the most I've had in there which would be awesome, and looking forward to helping people shift their unresolved and unknown so they can take back their personal power. Speak to you tomorrow.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favourite podcast platform