Ian Hawkins 0:02
Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the end Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.
You notice that most people don't like being told what to do. And have you also noticed that you probably don't like being told what to do, again, certainly don't like being told what to do comes from this habit of correcting people of telling them how it should be, instead of creating a safe space to allow them see, to see what it is that they want to see. What they will then be able to know is right. So the difference between empowering and keeping people stuck is a similar journey. I remember learning from many different coaches, how it's important not to give everything away, it's important not to share too much, because you don't give away all your secrets. And the more I've done this, it's like, well, pretty much everything's out there to be found, if you prepared to look. But what people really want is help and implementation. They want someone there being a support being a place to bounce ideas off and people and a place to feel safe to to talk about stuff that they're not talking about anywhere else. So I try and share as much as I can. So if you went through all of these, the individual podcasts and even some of the lessons too, you're going to find a big chunk of the stuff that I teach. And it's my intention to empower as many of you as possible to go and change your life. Because while what I do is a business, and I have clients. My The reason I got into this in the first place is because the impact I wanted to have I want to help as many people as I could, because I know what it's like to be stuck. I know what it's like to be in a place of not having the clarity and having that impact of the unresolved and unknown grief that was keeping me on the treadmill for so long. I know what it's like to have people in my life who have kept me safe, whether unconsciously or deliberately, because of their own agendas or fears or restrictions. So how do we empower? Well, then after overcomplicated, there's not too much more empowering than encouragement. There's not too much more empowering than helping people to feel good about who they are and what they doing. So every every conversation is an opportunity for empowerment, every conversation is an opportunity to help people feel better about themselves. And to be doing more of what they really desire to do to be more of who they desire to be and helping them realize that they're already that now from the very basic coming across someone in a shopping center that's having a bad day and maybe not being particularly helpful when you're asking for help to giving them a smile and asking them about their day and empathizing with them about like your mountain must be a tough day to day or whatever it is and try and break through that. That initial wall and get them pointing in a positive direction. From there to having those different conversations with the important people in your life where you're not looking for what's wrong, you know, looking for what they're doing wrong and what they could do better to fix them, which is a an often a pattern for many of us. But you're looking for the bright spots, the bits that are going well. It's one of the key elements of change management. Find the bright spot and I tell ya, it feels awesome to be on the receiving end
To make that you go empower. How can I get a better response from this person, this is how we take responsibility. It's about how we respond. We step away from that blame culture that has become all too prevalent in this society. And we come back to a place of self reliance of self responsibility by empowering others. The other element to look out for is, well, a couple more, one of them is where are you enabling rather than empowering? Where are you continuing to rescue people, where you continuing to do things for people and not allowing them the space to actually go out and do it themselves. Now, there might be different times where you look at people and go, Man, I just need my help. And you're always looking to pick them up, and you're always looking to, you know, they look so sad, or they look so stark, and whatever, and you're continuing to just come and do it for them, or get them out of a hole or rescue them, you keeping them in victimhood, you're not giving them the opportunity to stand on their own two feet. Now, if you're quite empathic, and quite sensitive, one of those areas you might be doing that is by absorbing other people's emotions, the times where you speak to someone, and you know, they feel better, but you kind of feel a bit drained afterwards, let's because you're taking on this stuff, and you're carrying it away with you. That's not helping them. Instead, it's creating a safe space to lessen their load. So they can go away and do what they need to do, to be able to, with that lighter load down, go and do what they need to do. You know, taking all that off them, again, just keeps them stuck. And the same problem will keep coming back here. And then the other element is where are you deliberately holding people back? Now, again, I learned this early days of coaching was ego based. It's like, you've got to be ahead of the people that you're serving. It's just garbage. And I learned that very early on, when one of my clients had the most incredible results well beyond what I'd achieved at that point. It's like, wow, actually, the more I can get results for my clients, it doesn't actually matter whether they've gone past me or not. Because great results for them means great results, for me means great results for the future of my life, first and foremost, and my business. So where are you holding people back? Where are you fearful? They might go past you because your egos getting in the way? Are you trying to restrict people? In case they're too successful and you feel left behind? How can you change that to impel? Because when you do, your restrictions that you're placing on yourself, will melt away. You you'll be able to not only free them up to have what they want, but you'll be able to do the same for you. Because when we learn these different behaviors, and we get stuck in ego and agenda and control, really all we're doing is doing the same thing to ourselves, empower others hours, which will empower yourself, which will drastically significantly change your life for the better.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform