Ep 387 - I’m A Selfish Man

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

Essentially, you are selfish man. And some may hear that and go, Oh, that's not okay. That's like, well, I want to tell you that if you want to live in your highest integrity, then there has to be an element of selfishness. Putting yourself first of being able to make sure you're managing your needs. Because that's how you're going to show up in the highest integrity for the most important people in your life. Because if you're not, if you're not putting your needs first, then you're taking yourself out of your integrity. Now, if you look at your values and how you like to live, is integrity a big part of that? And are you honoring that? Are you honoring yourself? Are you putting yourself first in the areas where you need to put yourself first. So when I say selfish, it doesn't mean that I'm not making sure that I'm nurturing the needs of the people in my life that that I in my highest integrity that I want to do. It means that to be able to do that, then I need to look after myself. First, I need to make sure that I'm well rested, I need to make sure that I'm healthy, I need to make sure that I have the ability to regulate my emotions, by the ability to see different perspectives. But I'm choosing to do those from a selfish, selfish perspective, because I'm going to feel better when I'm doing that. It's going to mean I can grow more, which again, for the important people in my world, they're going to get so much from that. Because as I grow, I'm able to then interact in a better way I'm able to be a role model of what's possible. So if you look at selfish purely from someone acting in a way that's purely in self interest, or are they being selfish from that place of highest integrity. And if you look at where your own journey is, come back to your values. Now whether you have integrity, the word integrity is one of your values or not, I'm sure you have some other words that similar might be around respect and will be around family, it might be around love, it might be around connection, whatever it is, I imagine that the word integrity is going to fit in around there somewhere. To come from your highest integrity, have the ability to serve, and help those people in your life at the highest level, not by rescuing them not by doing the things that that are just going to keep them stuck. But by showing up wholeheartedly as the highest version of yourself by prioritizing you. So that you can prioritize giving them what it is that you desire to give them and helping them to meet their needs as well. This is where we come into that place of interdependence, mutually beneficial, not from a place of independence, not from a, well I need you to make me feel this way, or you make me feel this way. But if I do this, then we're going to have this fabulous interaction when we both win. Now ultimately, who doesn't want that? So start having to think about in your life, where you're putting other people first, to your own detriment, where you're putting other people first to your own detriment, but to their detriment as well. Because if you forever digging people out of a hole, if you're forever doing everything for everyone else, particularly your children, well, they're never learning to be able to take steps for themselves. Find those mutual mutually beneficial ways of operating. That's going to lift you up, lift them up, and make it a much more harmonious situation for everyone. Selfish in highest integrity. interdependence is your formula.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from it. area two. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform