Ep 492 - Why We Argue

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it. Like I say with all these sort of topics, this is not the one definitive reason why right? That's usually a complex, complex discussion around a whole different things. But this is one that is a fairly large part of it. If you're one of those people that likes to disagree for the sake of disagreeing, then I'll explain about what's going on there. There's an element where it's like, we want to have a robust discussion, we want to be able to challenge people we want to be able to, perhaps just enjoy the process of, of arguing or shall we say, enthusiastically discussing? One of the reasons we do this is because we just want there to be an answer one way or the other. Because if it's if it's particularly about something that is a challenge, or a topic or a situation that you've played out in your mind again and again, and you've weighed up both sides. And while you have a thought you have an opinion, you're pretty sure it's this way, there's still an element of doubt. So the argument is, which is why sometimes we argue for either side, just for the sake of it, we just want someone to win. Because that way, it'll remove the self doubt, it'll remove that doubt that plays out their head, the overthinking. So we want someone to win. We either want to win ourselves or have the other person win. This might be challenging your some of your beliefs on these things. But yeah, you think about how often there are certain areas of our life. We just so sure, but there's this that hint of doubt. And the doubt does our head in. It's where all the overthinking comes from it plays out again and again and again. Because we're not 100% Sure. And that's okay, there was a lot of things that we don't want to be 100% sure of because we want to be open to knowing that. We can grow, we can change, we can realize that maybe at the time, to the best of our knowledge, well, that's how we thought things were, but then be open to knowing that things can be presented to us that show us that actually, maybe we didn't quite have it right. And sometimes people want to argue so stubbornly around their particular belief or their what they think they know, is because admitting that it's anything else, they feel like they're losing face, they feel like somehow they might be lesser than themselves or less than than the person they're discussing it with. But doesn't always have to be about winning and losing. It's an individual journey, to be able to be sure enough about the things you need to be sure about, and not having that self doubt creep creep in, which turns into overthinking, which plays out in your head and just creates his head noise that just exhausts us and impacts our sleep and impacts our health. Because it's having a bigger impact to our mental health and what we think creates emotional turmoil. And all of these things impact physical health. So these one little topic can manifest into this snowball of other stuff in our life. Makes sense? Right? Like the unconscious part of us isn't so worried about the result of the argument, but just let us be one way or the other right so we can give ourselves some peace. Or is really what we're trying to do is find a way to be at peace with the uncertainty of life, knowing that we're never going to be 100% sure about things that we can't be 100 wasn't sure about, and then even things that we think we're going to be sure about it, like I said before, be open to the things presenting that will change our opinion anyway. So how do we find that piece within? Well, one of the things I talked about in my start training, which is coming up in a short period of time, and actually, when you're watching this, it's probably going to be next week. It's just having that awareness around how often you're thinking spirals into an repeat patterns that don't need to be they're creating stories and meaning and, and spiraling into more unnecessary thinking, when the reality is, is just coming to an acceptance that, here's something I'm not sure about it. And I make peace with the fact that I'm uncertain about that. Because one of the things you can be certain about in life is that there's going to be uncertainty, and being able to allow that uncertainty just to wash past you and not engage in it is such a great skill to have. So having that strategy in place to be able to see what it is identify it, and then be able to breathe, not buy in, it's gonna have a huge impact to reduce, that overthinking. So next time you get an argument, just have a think about why is it you're arguing? Are you worried about losing face? Are you thinking that maybe you need to be in some position of power? By having that argument and winning that argument? Or is there a part of you that doubts, what the answer to the thing you're arguing isn't, and really is looking for some inner peace. By acknowledging what your motivation is in those situations, then you can start a path towards making change, because it starts with acknowledgement starts with acceptance that it's there, and then you can go about finding the right strategy. And if you're at that point where you are ready to start making some of those changes, then I'll make sure that I share the link for the start training. Or put it if you're on the podcast in the show notes. Or if you're watching this on another platform, I'll make sure the links there in the text. So you can jump in and join it very soon. If not already, you'll be able to actually access the start training online. Personally, I love to experience it in the group setting. So if you're more of that sort of person, then come and join us in the Facebook community where you can get into live interactions with me and other people in the group. If you're more of an online person, then have a look on the website because that will be there soon for me and organs coaching.com forward slash start training. I'll leave it there. Have a great day. I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform