Ian Hawkins 0:02
Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the end Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.
So this week, I've been talking about some of the challenges of being a parent. And sometimes we're where we go back to front. And I know I have again and again, it's also inspired me to change. Maile, when I prepared to listen to our children, we will hear information from them that maybe we hadn't thought about before. I've probably said this before on the pod, but I can distinctly remember my daughter saying to me when when I was worried if I'd upset her I'd done something. Or maybe I hadn't done something. And that's why she was upset. And she just simply said to me, What on Earth makes you think that what I'm going through right now has got anything to do with you who want to slap in the face that was she was going through her own stuff. And it was making it about me the best thing that we can do for our children is to change ourselves, to show up in a better way, and allow them the space to do the same. Not dictating, not controlling, not manipulating. Not emotionally blackmailing. But being the role model of personal change. Because when you are that they will notice the difference, and they will seek out advice. Guaranteed. But that takes some time and some commitment from yourself to change. You have to be committed to the journey, you have to decide I'm going to make changes, you have to be open to saying to your children, I got some shit wrong. And now I'm taking steps to rectify, they will see that you're getting help, they will see that the differences the changes in behaviors. And if they don't seek out someone else, in whatever area that they're feeling like they're not seeing the changes. They're not seeing it, they're not hearing it, for me was used to keep all my frustration from the professional environment within myself and they'd get home and be anything but calm. Got to the point my kids were just scared of me or just didn't want to be spend time with me or, or it just wasn't a good environment. And of course, I felt ordinary because I'd be upsetting them all the time. Since I have made a commitment to change myself, our relationships, all of them, all four of us have got infinitely infinitely better. More togetherness, more connection, more moments of absolute joy, and far less moments where I'm sitting there going, Oh, I've done it again. I've upset them. I've been a ship parent. I've missed an opportunity. And what we often think of as parents is mucking up their life again. Where will they end up if I keep going down this path comes back to you. It always comes back to you don't outsource your problems and blame your children for what they've got going on. Even even when they like in inverted commas get messed up and they're all mixed up in the wrong crowd. Be the beacon of light of change. Show them what's possible. Be there to listen, like I said a couple of episodes ago be the role model. That's when they'll change. That's where they will seek out their own ways of improving doesn't always have to come from us particularly as they get into those teen years and there Looking to connect more with their peers through your example, they will gravitate towards other peers who share similar interests. So, for example, the more of a spiritual nature that I and rabbit holes, I tend to go down. So some bad times my kids have thought I'm like, absolutely off my tree. I was like, I keep doing it, and they see I feel better from it. I am a better person to be around because I'm prioritizing that space. Then suddenly, they're making connections with other friends who have similar beliefs, and are excited to share that. Pretty cool, huh? So, first step, what is the vision look like for your future? What do you want it to be for you and your relationship with your children gets crystal clear on that? Not so you can help them to get into your vision, but so you can become a better person. So they're attracted to that vision and want to be part of it. That's your homework. And as always, reach out if you need more guidance around that.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com. You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform