Ep 376 - It Feels Like A Curse But It Is Actually Your Greatest Strength

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

One of the great challenges about your natural gift is that it often shows up as a curse. That thing that you do so effortlessly will it also continue to consume you at different times. So I'll give you an example. Someone who's a fantastic big picture thinker, they always coming up with ideas always coming up with innovations. Sometimes it can be hard to focus on one thing, because their mind is always got the new concept, the new idea popping into their head. If I was to lock someone like that in a room and tell them to come up with 100 ideas for any particular concept, they'll be able to do it. Because their brain operates in that big picture thinking with just natural. Now think about how that might apply to other parts of their life, and how that's going to end up getting them distracted. Not focusing on the task they're meant to be focused on. And knowing the people that I do have that sort of belief. They spend a lot of time beating themselves up about their inability to complete things. Endlessly frustrating. And yet, if I get them to spend more time in that space, creating but with some structure, they would absolutely thrive. And they would provide tremendous, tremendous value to the people in their world that they are helping. You can straightaway see how that could be both a gift and a curse. And what's missing is an awareness and acceptance and the ability to spend as much as 80% of their day in that natural gift in their natural state of flow. Easier said than done right? I'll give you another example. For those of us who are particularly sensitive to other people's emotions, there are times where that's such a blessing, because we can straightaway identify with other people when they might need a bit of a lift, they might need some encouragement, they might need a safe place to talk. And we have the ability to tune into how they're feeling and help guide them through that. And other times that emotion that you feel for other people shows up relentlessly and completely, overwhelmingly. And the more that you this is true with any of your gifts, the more that you utilize that gift and refine that gift then the greater the power to have that not so positive version of it show up becomes with the emotional side of it, you can get the moment you get a bit off kilter yourself a bit tired, haven't got your boundaries up, you can be consumed with other people's junk, exhausting. If you're a detail person, then left to do detail. Fantastic. But often that comes with a more of an introverted nature. So having to be in a workplace for example with other people can be just downright exhausting. Having a social life with other people can be exhausting. And particularly again, if you make any comparison to how other people are then can be downright exhausting. need that time to retreat and to recalibrate. But the other big thing that comes into it is comparison. And people's concept of mental health. So actually, I'll come back to the comparison because I wanted to just talk about the other. The fourth sort of main area of gift, which is people's skills. And again, this is another one I can identify with. I was the kid who got easily distracted and, and often caught talking in different circumstances, school, for example, distracted from our work, because I'd rather be in a conversation and I spent a lot of my corporate years, beating myself up because I was like, oh, man, I'm so easily distracted, I can't be working as in sitting in front of my desk and doing detail focused stuff, which was my job at that time. So again, it saw the the natural inclination, that conversation as a curse, until I worked out that I was really good at it. And actually, that's where I should be spending most of my time in all areas of life. So let's get to the comparison. And also the mental health aspect. If you're looking at other people and going, Oh, that what is that person's gonna get all complete all their tasks, you know, for the big picture thinker. Well, that's because they're wired differently. I'm one of those people that can get things finished. But getting started can be a real challenge for me. So I look at you people who are great at starting things, and go, oh, good to do a bit of that. But I also know that finishing is my thing. So give me a time deadline, and give me the main part of the project with most of the things done on the structure down and then I'll help you wrap it up for you. That's our work. So if you're expecting me to be the starter, well, that's going to be a struggle. And the same if if if you're a big picture thinker, and you come up with ideas, if I'm expecting you to be a finisher, that's going to be a struggle. The introvert can often be called pessimistic or boring, or why aren't you coming out? Or why do you keep asking so many questions? Why do you want so much detail? And they may start having a conversation themselves? Why do I need to know that? Well, that's just how you are and that's okay. And it's okay for you to have that knowledge of that boundaries, those boundaries, and to be able to do that to retreat to your own space to recharge and not have to be speaking to people so much. And then the, the more extroverted one is why they can get lost in the detail and make mistakes and not be able to pick up errors and, and the finer detail and things. And again, if you look at the mental health, someone that big picture thinking might have been told they've got ADHD. Well, I love the quote. Again, I can't remember who it was, might have been Gary Vaynerchuk, saying you don't have ADHD for the things you're interested in. But you can see how that new ideas, new ideas, new ideas might be seen as an ADHD sort of behavior. That can show up in the conversational things as well i so distracted, you always want to be talking. She's always off they're doing this, this and this instead of a work. And then you start believing the highly sensitive sensory person, where are they so emotional. So this this so that they can feel into other people's things, maybe they get caught in anxiety and depression, all these different things. They start to believe the hype, when really they're just carrying a whole lot of other people's baggage. In the introvert. I worked with someone when he was in my team. I've referenced him before, I'm sure my staff member Chris who passed he had what he called social anxiety. And then when we did the work around his unique personality, it's like, no, no. You just introvert and you try to be an extrovert. You try to be someone that you're not. Once we did that together, and he worked out, oh, he made it's okay for me to be this and this and this and I can show up this way. And that's okay, man, all the pressure stripped away. And that social anxiety went and he suddenly had confidence in himself, because he knew his limitations and he knew what was good and what wasn't and why you win. So, you may have a combination of any of those four, you may know where you predominantly sit, and all of it okay. The important thing is to embrace the gift, find ways to navigate the challenges and stop seeing it as a curse. It's your greatest gift and it will take you to the greatest heights. It's where you are valued. It's how you will create value in the marketplace, whatever that looks like. And when I say marketplace it doesn't have to be monetary. In the family marketplace, for example, which is a let's be honest a bartering of energies. It voices

the more you bring of what you do naturally well and discard the other stuff. The more you'll see your gift for what it is. And I will put this disclaimer, there are obviously some parts of your personality. What are you an example for me, I'm not a great details person, but I have a business. So I need to know detail. And I need to have a system that works with detail. So I discard it completely. But I don't try and be great at it. I just set up a system that works for me and then I outsource those parts of my business and my life to someone who's much better. Embrace the gift. Change your thought process around it from not a curse, but a gift that just need some attention. And you will go a long, long way.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform