Ian Hawkins 0:02
Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.
You would be familiar with the term nice guys finish last. Got to be honest, I love it. And here's why. I've been that ultra competitive person, I am still an ultra competitive person. But I've also been that person that has gone to great lengths to make sure that I win. And there are times on the sporting field probably in other parts of life to where I have gone outside of my values and my integrity driven by that need to win. And it comes down to this. If you're trying to be someone than you that you're not, then you will end up feeling shit after the fact. Now, it's, it's okay to be competitive, and it's okay to be striving to be the best you can be and get the best result and come together as a team and try to do all that you can to be successful. But if you're doing it outside of your integrity, outside of your values, you're going to end up feeling feeling like shit. I've been there and it eats away at you and it's not good. It actually feels awful. So put simply being competitive but not being an asshole. Be nice, but not so nice that people are able to walk all over you. So it's getting that balance right. I liken it to the energy of the lion. Think about a lion sitting there with its pride. Say quietly, calmly, most of the day actually. But just oozes strength and protection of its pride and provider. But you come in to that space with aggression. Then it not only will it stand its ground, but the lion will come at you and fiercely protect its people. So certainly not be antagonistic, not attacking you for no reason. But that energy of the lion. That's how we want to play, right. That's how we want to compete there, whether that's in the workforce, whether it's in business, whether it's on a sporting field, whether it's in any other competition. So how do we make sure that we're still able to be competitive. We're able to stay in this energy of the line of being strong but not a dig. Be nice, but not so nice that you walked over. Well, the key thing, key things that I want to really point out to you is how you can build that within yourself. So the first one is being decisive about how you want your life to be so often in life, but specifically competition
It's when we're indecisive that things start to go wrong. And then part of us is like, Ah, I should have done this. So that aggression builds within us. So every time we're indecisive in every moment, then we this frustration itself builds up, and it builds up and it builds up. And that's when we go into that place of going out of integrity and outside our values. Because it's far more important to be decisive and move forward than it is to try and be perfect. They being decisive takes you to the zone, into your flow, where everything just unfolds effortlessly, being indecisive, wears you out, mentally. exhausted physically. And like I said, it creates that emotional turmoil turmoil where the anger and frustration builds up and up, and at some point, it will blow. And the other part to remember, the other element is being assertive. So like I said, not aggressive, not being provocative or intentionally trying to antagonize. But holding your ground, holding his strength, not taking a backward step, speaking calmly, firmly with certainty, with knowing. And doing so in a way where people know exactly where you stand, they respect you. They get a big waft of your energy before you say anything because they can feel that certainty. If any of you listen to the interview with Jeremy della curve, when he was talking about bringing that exact strength, he was decisive. He was assertive. He was bringing the energy of the line. And as he relayed in that interview, in the past, when he'd been aggressive, he would be left just feeling awful about how he treated people. He got a result, but at what cost. Whereas this was actually euphoric. Actually gave him goosebumps afterwards about how good that felt, to be able to stand his ground, stand in His power and still get the result, you get a better result than he could have imagined. And that's how nice guys finish first, again, and again and again. And they feel amazing, and they feel deeply fulfilled, and they get to live life on their terms hit the back themselves, need to move they get to move past those times where they don't feel they have the self belief. Those times where they have felt inadequate in the past, they're able to stand in their power move past that. Like I said, live life on their terms, free to live as they please.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform.