Ian Hawkins 0:02
Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.
SOAR, former rugby league coach first grade coach Roy masters being interviewed a while back. And he was asked because he went from coaching at the top level to become a journalist. And the question was did did it give you the same satisfaction as coaching, he was asked about this journalist career journalism degree. And he says nothing beats that dressing room two or three minutes after a hard fought when nothing beats that. And he got me thinking, how many of us who have stopped playing at a level where we get that rush? I still searching for that buzz. Now I know I get that satisfaction from from coaching, personal coaching. And I know I've managed to that level of satisfaction coaching in a corporate environment. And also sometimes it's probably not comparable but but an equally great buzz from even coaching Junior sport, when you see everything that you've been teaching them come off in a game and everything just goes really well. But if you are someone who's ultra competitive, and you've spent a great deal of your time feeling the rush of that unity that comes because it's not just the fact that you've winning, it's that you, you're in it together and you're doing it as a group, it can be really hard to replicate that feeling. But certainly not impossible. To the first bit to to ask yourself is am I trying to fill my life up with something else to try and replicate that buzz? That rash. Now a mate of mine, he's a very successful gambler. And he's just an absolute genius at crunching the numbers. Now there are different times now where he doesn't have to work and he doesn't, because he's so good at what I do know that at times, he he does also know that there is a certain rush that comes from it that would remind him we haven't spoken directly about this but would remind him of his younger days playing high level football. So you can you can channel that energy but if you're chasing something, just for to fill a void for something the experience, then you're actually going to spend a lot of your energy and you're going to end up going in directions and following things that are going to bring you to dead ends or have you feeling like you're never quite there for the rest of your life. Unless you can actually channel it into something with a bit more focus a bit more intent, a lot more structure and have something that actually gives you that fulfillment. Now given that, as we get older There are certain elements that just we can't replicate.
But it doesn't mean we can't replicate the same great feeling that comes from that. Now, I'm not saying that, that Roy didn't, wasn't in the right place with his journalism, because he clearly was. But it doesn't mean that you can't find it in other parts of your world. And so part of it is looking back over your journey, and starting to identify where that sort of bias showed up, naturally. And it usually shows up, when you are doing different things for other people that perhaps, you needed, but didn't get. When you have had that pain of not having your needs met, you know exactly what someone else is going through. Not in the detail, and you don't know exactly how they're feeling. But you know, the sort of situation, they'll be in the sort of feelings that they will be going through and the sort of obstacles and challenges. Now, when you've spent your life not having that, and trying to find a way to meet that need, and then finding different ways that work, then you do become an absolute expert at helping other people, because you're helping them in a way that, like I said, you're giving them what you always needed, but never got this is part of our gift to the world. And this is where we start to find more of that same buzz, not through a competitive lens. But through a collaborative lens, which I believe is part of the magic of sport. It's not so much the winning, and the competing against someone else. It's actually the collaborative part. It's the fact that you are in this together, you're working towards a common goal, and you're doing everything you can for the person next to you. And for the other people in your team. I imagine why it's there's so much comparison between sport and war, because I imagine that's, that's something that, that people are going to war despite all the horrific parts of it. The fact that they are they're doing whatever they can for their mate, which I've heard many soldiers talk about, and particularly the ones that live to, to a quite old age I talked about, we didn't think about the fear, we didn't think about this rule, just doing the best we could for our mate next to us. Now, when we get older, and we tend to mix in smaller circles, and perhaps less opportunities to have those moments, that's even more, even more reason, to seek out opportunities to find that unity to find that place where we can come together. There are so many different communities out there. But it's not about trying to do more chasing and try and find a community here there or anywhere that might, that might just fill that hole. Like I said, it's about going through your own journey. And looking at those finer details of what you know you needed at different points in your life, and helping others to get it. So for me, for the longest time, I didn't know what I wanted to do when I grew up. I didn't know what direction I was going. And I used to joke with people till till I got into my mid to late 30s. So once I know what I want to do when I grow up, I'll let you know. So what I'm able to help people with now is direction, including getting that clarity and certainty about what's going to be the best direction for someone else, because I searched for that and struggle with that for most of my life.
And there are areas for you that will be the same. And by starting to identify all of those different elements of your life that you know that you really battle with, and then start helping people this is where you start to find a deeper sense of meaning a deeper sense of certainty. You start to realize your true strength. So when people will talk about credentials, you may have done endless study. But it's this part lived experience the thing that only you can pass on because only you've lived your life. That's where the real magic is. That's where your real credentials, your real strength or your real value lies. And this is where you can start to create more of that magic that you used to experience Just after a win in the change room. Enjoy this urge.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform