Ian Hawkins 0:02
Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.
Do you ever get that feeling that no matter where you go, you just seem to see angry people everywhere. And you might be left thinking, Why are these people so angry? Why are they getting so worked up? Now, if that's what you're seeing, what that actually is, is your unconscious. Mirroring back to you what's actually going on for you internally. Now you may think, but I'm not angry, I am actually quite calm. Your unconscious is showing you by mirroring that back to you through life, that there's something that's going on there that you're not facing. It's like when you have a certain thing in your life that continues to show up. Like the example I regularly uses. And when my wife Kate was pregnant, suddenly, I'm seeing pregnant women absolutely everywhere. Now, I don't know when they've all gone, but I don't see any of them anymore. Like it's it's not something that's in my conscious awareness. And it's not in my unconscious awareness. So if you're feeling like the world's gone so angry, and you're seeing the same thing over and over again, it's like there's something in your unconscious. Or potentially your conscious, maybe you are aware of the times where you react in a way that you don't want to in an angry fashion. But if you aren't, you're thinking actually I've got that only control, but you're seeing it everywhere that it's it's something to pay attention to. And more than likely what's happening is that when the anger does come, you're actually suppressing, you're actually got in such a habit of just not fasting that is get on with it. Because that's the sort of person you are you don't make a fuss that you just don't process you just suppress. Now that's fine at the time, but it slowly adds up. So it's the same pattern of oh, man, doesn't matter. It's okay. Don't sweat the small stuff. It's not that big of a deal. I'm just gonna do this myself. Why are they doing that for It's okay, I'll stay calm, I'll relax, I'll get on with the snow, no point making a big deal about it, I don't want to cause a fight, I don't want to get into a confrontation, whatever it is, all of those avoidance strategies, doesn't mean the anger disappears from your system, and left unattended, then we carry whatever that is, however it sits in our body. For some people, it might be physical pain, for some people it might be weight might be all sorts of strange things going on internally, externally, that are showing you that you're not processing the anger at the time, you're not actually allowing that that is completely natural to actually be there. And by suppressing it, we hold it we carry it and has an impact at a later time. Now, I liken it to filling up a kettle just drip by drip. So on its own these small little moments, don't feel like they're impactful. But left unattended, it slowly adds up. Sometimes it's a drop or a dribble and sometimes it's a bit more of a splash into that kettle. And it fills up over time. Now for some people that fills up fill up quicker, maybe an hour a day or a week for some maybe it'll drag on for a month. But when it does get starting to get full, and then heat is applied. So stress tension, confrontation that you can't avoid. And the heats applied that water bubbles all that suppressed anger bubbles up, create steam, and someone gets burned. It's usually you and it's usually the most important people in your life in circumstances where is the last thing you want to do.
Now, so that's one side of it if you are seeing the anger, but you're not conscious that it's happening. Now there might be some of you who you do know there are times where you react in frustration. And then you're left wondering why and then you feel all focused, you reacted that way. You acted aggressively you yelled, you spoke, argue, maybe even intimidating body language or worse. And then you're left feeling completely awful, and then wondering how it got to that. And then you feel ordinary about yourself, because it must be your fault. Really, it's because you've been conditioned to suppress and go to push it down, but it's still going to come out. And so it busts out at the time that you least want it to. And how do you feel you feel awful, you feel like you've let yourself down, and you've let the important people in your life down whoever that may be, whether that's close family, whether it's work colleagues, whether it's a teammate, whatever it is. So what do we do differently to change that? processing the anger at the time. So we have those minor moments of frustration we feel in our body. And when you get an awareness around the suppression and catching yourself every time you do it, every time you go out doesn't matter. Feel where that sits in your body. Right now I'm getting an attention like back, middle back. Just as I have this conversation, for some of you might be showing up there for those of you may show up in different places. For me, I got a really tight tension in my jaw, being aware of how physical reaction your body has, because every time you have a physical reaction, and you don't do anything about it, it adds up, it adds up adds up. For me, I got all this tension through my back. And all these compensations to try and keep me safe, right? Having tightening around my spine to keep me stable. It took me years of undoing that and unraveling that trying to do it through just through physical therapy, I guess is the word. Whereas when we can release it from a deep level, and that doesn't mean you have to have this deep conversation, there's a process that I can show you to help you release it from the system and your body freeze up on its own, create the conditions for your body to be at greatest health, it will heal itself. And that's by going through a process in the moment, feel it in your body shifted in your body allow it to change from one sport to the next. And I'm oversimplifying it, because the actual process is going to take me much longer to explain. shift in your body. So it's not sitting there, you're going to find that you have less tension in your body less frustration, not carrying the physical pain, not carrying the weight, none of the other strange symptoms going on. And most of all, not reacting in a way that's negative, which is what you want, right? You don't want to have to keep reacting in a way that leaves you feeling worse afterwards. I have created the longer version of this a framework to help you with exactly this, it is completely free. It's on my website. It's also in the link in when you're watching this as a video, it's in the notes below or you listening on the podcast, it will be in the show notes where you can download the framework. It's completely free, it will make total sense of all of this for you and you'll be able to have your own tool to help you navigate whether it's the angular suppressing, or whether it's the angular bubble bottles up and explodes out at the least opportune time. Action is key as I've been saying again and again for the last few months. Take that action, have a look at it. Do the work that it says and it will absolutely put you on a path to all the freedom that you want freedom physically and freedom to go and do all of those things that you want to do in your life. Enjoy.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform