Ian Hawkins 0:02
Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back. You've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request. If any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work. I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.
Good day everyone and welcome to this week's guest, Chris Edwards. How are you, Chris?
Christopher Francis Edwards 1:09
I'm well. I'm doing all right. How are you?
Ian Hawkins 1:12
I am going really well. Thanks, mate. Excellent. Good stuff. Now. We connected because watching a heap of your content online, you don't mind calling it how it is. But also what I think I was most drawn to was the cheekiness of the humor. And the Yeah, haven't all subtle pokes. I'm very much in that way of thinking and it's got me into trouble at different times. But it also know that it's, it's good to lighten the mood. Right? So how do you? How do you get to be like that? Or is that something you've always been a bit of that mischievous and comedic site styles?
Christopher Francis Edwards 1:56
Oh, I think I think I'm definitely passionate about humor. There's no question of it. I was actually a professional plan. For me, humor was something that it wasn't it's not just a joke for me, you know, it's actually something I've put serious time into understanding and furthering. I think laughter really is the best medicine in many, many lines. It helps, it helps people bond. Having a good laugh with someone a good belly laugh,
And for a moment, and for a moment, everything just falls away. Right? So that belly laugh moment.
All there is is that
undefinable joy. I am I'm passionate about those moments. So I tell a lot of tracks and
and really sort of have no no qualms about being weird or silly.
Ian Hawkins 3:14
A lot of it. But I can totally agree with that. It's the, the tears in the eyes, the like the, like the actual muscular soreness from from laughing great moments. And it's interesting that you put it like that, it's like you said everything else melts away. It's It's the ultimate presence. Right?
Christopher Francis Edwards 3:34
Right. Right, is that I mean, when when people talk about losing control emotionally, it's usually got all these negative connotations, you know, where you lose control into anger or sadness or whatever. But you can also lose control into joy, or wonder, or, or in this instance, hilarity, you know, and, and I love those moments where people just have zero expectation of being transported to another place emotionally. And then all of a sudden, their world for that for that timeframe just becomes this uncontrollable joy. And capturing those moments for me. It's, it's, it's, it's, like I said, I've put time into into understanding the psychology of humor. What does make us laugh, you know?
Ian Hawkins 4:35
And what did you find? I know that's a long question to answer, but maybe some, what are the key things that you found around what what is the motivator or the cause,
Christopher Francis Edwards 4:46
if you will? I think the best sort of look at laughter is actually found through something called laughing yoga. If you really want to get into the science of laughter. And it's a worldwide phenomenon. And there was a doctor, an Indian doctor who asked these questions, right? And he was he was actually very interested in what results from laughter What does it actually do to do in the body, you know, and he did he huge amounts of studies. But then he found something, right. And what he found was that you can't tell the same joke to the same person over and over again to test right because he wanted to get people to really learn, and the people had to not expect it. And it needed to be a bit of a surprise, there needed to be an element of shock or, or disqualification involved, so that they could really get a laugh so he could get his instruments and measure what was happening to them when they were really laughing. And so he developed a whole bunch of techniques. And these techniques and tools, the collection of them is called laughing yoga. And there are tricks that you can do to actually get your body to engage in a full belly laugh with without any joke at all. And it's it's mirror neurons, you'll find that if you sit there and do a big belly laugh, faking it, and you do that in a group of people, it won't take long before that belly laugh becomes very, very real. And the bike just falls away. And that is laughing yoga, and plenty of people do laughing yoga workshops. So it's something that you can look into in your local area, wherever you are. Or YouTube it there are plenty of trainers out there. And it and it is actually a really fantastic way of coming back to that childlike, unrestrained joy. And the healing power of that is it's it's miserable opposite. It's observable, and it's instant. And it comes with zero adverse reactions.
Ian Hawkins 7:28
So actually, the clown and the entertainer, and the comedian is actually a healer.
Christopher Francis Edwards 7:34
Oh, yes. And has been recognized as such throughout throughout history. I mean, there's a reason that the jester got to tell the king true. Right? Yeah. There's a reason for that. Bonds were held as sacrosanct in history, you know, a village understood it, historically speaking, villages understood that if you traded a bod like shit, he wouldn't come back. And he tell all these mites and they funny people that you want to Trump so in bonds were held sacrosanct. In there's one culture that has something called a spirit clown. Right? Yeah. And the Spirit clown, the rite of passage to become this mystic clown, right? Was that the entire village would gather around and pick every single fault and failing that person had, and laugh at them. I'm cursed them. And for 24 hours, the spirit clown would have to endure this villages. Everything, everything would get thrown at them. Yeah. And then once that time and power if his role within that village was to laugh
at the stupidity of everything.
With which, which is beautiful thing
because we all take things too seriously.
Ian Hawkins 9:18
Yeah, yeah. 100% and having someone
Christopher Francis Edwards 9:22
that laughs it, all of it. Well, that can lift all of us up just that little bit more, right? Man. Little bit more enjoyable.
Ian Hawkins 9:35y job, that ecommerce back in: Christopher Francis Edwards:
Oh, well, that relationship breakup sort of happened after that Korean. And we sort of a bit precipitous. So I was, I was in circus, and I was doing fire, as well as other circus arts, including some climbing and but circus life is hard. It's, it's not an easy life. And you it's not a job. It's a lifestyle. You win your circus you eat live, breathe, drink, shit, shower, shave circus, that's all there is. And my partner at the time was my lovely assistant. And we had our roles, but I was a circus, she found the lifestyle very difficult. And so we left circus and went and became normies. For the first time in eight years, for the first time, I was paying rent, and bills, because I've been on the road for nearly 10 years total, up until that point,Ian Hawkins:
was that was that a shock to the system in itself just going from?Christopher Francis Edwards:
Oh, it's a complete shock to the system. And it's
like, who opens the Herald Sun and cease? Fire performer clown wanted a primer? You know, it's not exactly a career that that is readily sort of available. I can't I can't just get a job a biological finds wailing factory. So, so and that was that was
also a shock to the system. Because where do you go from there? I had, I had a train under my belt. But nowhere to sort of time I trained. And I saw an ad in the paper DJ wanted no experience and became a DJ. And ended up pursuing entertainer at private functions. And in in, in the realms of entertainment, the more acts that you can do. And the more choreographed routines you have, under your belt, the more variety you have as an entertainer. And the better you can ply your trade. So that's what I did. And I became an extra and did all sorts of stuff. And then I started discovering some of the craziness and insanity in the world. And that started impacting my life and my career. And my relationship started breaking down for a variety of reasons. And then needles, I started missing gigs, because of all things and entertainment. There is no
sick days. You don't get sick days. Because if you're
an entertainer, and you're doing someone's wedding
you don't get a sick day. Yeah, you're showing up ah happy that died. It doesn't matter whether you've just had a fight with your missus, it doesn't matter whether your car tire is flat. You are there and you are happy.
Or you don't keep getting gigs. Right, that's the way it works.Ian Hawkins:
Yeah. And is that what happened? You stopped kidding. That'sChristopher Francis Edwards:
what happened. That's what happened. As my relationship went sour I missed a couple of games. And that's a big deal. If an entertainer you know, that's a huge deal. That's like a surge and missing an operation. You know, it's not something you can do. Right? And once that happens, that's it. You won't get a call back from that agent. Because they've got other people on the books that will turn up every time. Yeah, no questions asked, do their job and do it well. So it's very cutthroat. Very, there is no room for error or for life. And what happened to me, right?Ian Hawkins:
Yeah, absolutely. That's, it sounds exhausting for it to be that relentless, that there's always the next thing, and there's just no negotiation, you got to be there. Otherwise you miss out.Christopher Francis Edwards:
That's it. That's that's the dream. And it is it is. And for every gig you get, for every single gig, you get you do 10 auditions.
So there's 10 gigs, you don't get every one, you know. So yeah, yeah, it is only for the passionate only for the passionate and determined that
career. Without a real love of the art of performance.
You'll get nowhere.Ian Hawkins:
Yeah, right. Well, or more power to you that you're able to stick that out for so long, I'm really drawn to this question. As someone who would think differently, right, because you're always looking for the comedy, you're always looking to make that impact I imagined. Does that mean that to a certain degree that people don't get, you know, really understand how you operate?Christopher Francis Edwards:
Oh, very few people understand how I operate or get me. It is quite lonely. And and at the same time, not? I mean, I mean, the person you see in is going to be completely different to the person that all of your audiences saying, completely different to the to the crystal, my partner? No. In fact, in every person I meet, there's a different version of me in them. Yeah, I know, none of those things. Yeah, and I've got a different version of me again, in Maine. So I've got this own version
of mango, and everyone else has got different.
And on all of those things. And none of those things. So well, at the same time.Ian Hawkins:
Yeah, can we can we talk a bit about this, because this is such a great point is that so many of us spend time thinking about what other people think? And what are they going to say and how they're going to react? But what you described there is perfect, it's like, what if you asked 100 people what they thought of it'd be all different answers, right? And that's what you asked yourself, right? It's gonna be something different again. So So where did you learn about that? And how have you used that knowledge to be actually be beneficial to you to your own journey?Christopher Francis Edwards:
in terms of in terms of my career as an entertainer, knowing exactly how you perceive me. Well, that's the job. Right? Yep. That's the job. And to create a perception of myself for your benefit.
That's the job. Yeah, that's
good man. And then to know, what it is that you're looking for. And to be able to provide that persona toIan Hawkins:
bring that one of those parts of you that, you know, bringing that to the table, to really have the best connection. Right. And,Christopher Francis Edwards:
I mean, you can look at something simple, like something very simple, simple and easy for anyone to understand. Some people are extroverted, right, their focus is on the world around them. What's happening in the world, their environment. And some people are introverted, their their focus is on their internal world and what's happening in them and, and their realities. Yep, neither of these things are right. Yes. And neither of them are wrong. They're just different ways in which we as people look at the world and and think about ourselves in it, right? Yeah. And
getting locked into right wrong viewpoints, right. So, introverted is the right way to be an extrovert are all wrong? Because this is like, right, wrong thinking, right? Yeah, if I'm locked in there, then half the population is someone I'm not going to be able to communicate with because I think they're wrong.Ian Hawkins:
Yeah. Yeah.Christopher Francis Edwards:
Whereas the more I learn about the different ways that people see themselves in their environment, the more I realize that most people are just looking at things in a different way. They're not. They're not right. Or wrong. Yeah, just different. And that's okay. And, and that actually makes the world a beautiful place, right?Ian Hawkins:
It does. And more often than not, people are trying to be right. What's the quote, I heard, people would rather die than be wrong. So they'll keep going down a path stubbornly, that they assure they're right about rather than getting whatever help that could help.Christopher Francis Edwards:
Right, it's, and that's got to do with something called group inclusion. So there's whole areas of our brains that are dedicated to socializing. So I've got an entire area of my brain that is dedicated just to understanding your facial expression. Yeah, just to translate your emotional state so that I can understand it. And in our group, of our monkey groups, as it were, villages, tribes, society, whatever you want to call it, your survival depends upon those other group members, feeling like you are a part of their group, because then you've got support, you've got friends, you've got people that will look after you if you break your leg, you know, etcetera, etcetera. So it creates a lot of security and safety with 100%. Yeah, right. So if your inclusion in a group is under threat, right, yeah. And you might be excommunicated or whatever, you'll actually go to alarming lengths to stay included within a group.Ian Hawkins:
Absolutely.Christopher Francis Edwards:
And, and feeling down. Feeling wrong. Feeling Conte feeling? All these things? If I
that I actually have
no fucking clue. You might
think I'm dumb. Right? Yeah. And
therefore not include me in the group. Right?
So in order to protect my place, within this society, I'm gonna make out like, I know what's going on. And then I'm gonna make out like, I'm actually really, really smart. 10 on actually this, and I'm actually that, and, but it's fear that's driving that, right. Yes, it's fear that you you'll be you'll think on something or not, it's fear that you weren't thinking I'm going to be good or good enough to be frank with you. That you won't value me for what I have to offer. Yep. And so I'm gonna hide all
of those. Not so good bits, right? I'm gonna pretend like they don't exist. Right? Yeah. Like,
on the best guy you want in your group?Ian Hawkins:
And really, yeah, it's the self perception of what we think is the good and not so good. Whereas the reality is that often those things that we think are not so good are actually our greatest gifts areChristopher Francis Edwards:
just differences. That's right. Yeah, that's right. And we, we live in the world where, where everything is tested and measured, you know, we all run our lives. On the on the tick of a second hand, you know, and we all we all have, I mean, from from from prep to the latest job interview, you've just done all your KPIs, every part of your mind, body heart is measured and regulated.
And there's no
unique in that is there and And I searched myself and I can say that on lots of things, and all of them are unique. You know. And I think that X factor, that indescribable X factor that we all know is there, that none of us can finger, right?
Because no one knows what that X factor is.
But we all know what it is. Right? And, and that,
that, that that, that X factor, that's what drives us. That's what makes us off. That's what makes you an individual that separates you out from all of those measures and tests and quantifiers.Ian Hawkins:
So, when you said, we don't know what it is, but we do know, is that like, consciously we don't know. And, and then but in our hearts, unconsciously we do.Christopher Francis Edwards:
Well, if I was to ask you, what is unique about you? Would you be able to answer and you still know that you are unique? Right? Here? That's a really hard question to answer, isn't it? What is actually just a in not anyone else?Ian Hawkins:
Yeah, when you get right, deeper into that? Yeah, absolutely. Because ultimately, all the things that we can do, everyone has the capacity to do it. Right. But it's the being part the what do we bring to it uniquely? Us? That's the key part. So I'd love to get your thoughts on, what would be the difference between how much comes from lived experienced around the being the uniqueness? And how much of that do you think, or no comes from a natural way that you were coming into this world? came into this world? Um,Christopher Francis Edwards:
I think if if we were to look at color, that's a really good analogy and metaphor, to answer that question, there's only four prime colors. Yeah. So there is, and it makes up billions of different unique colors. And you only got four acids that make up your DNA, your makeup, all the DNA
would have the variety of life.
So, so it doesn't really take much does it to create this enormous fractal of variation in in, in, in, in existence? And I think, and I think it's, it's, it's yin and yang, it's paradox, it's not one or the other. Like, it's not nature versus nurture. So it's not genetics versus lived experience? I think it's both aIan Hawkins:
melting pot of allChristopher Francis Edwards:
right. And, and different genetics will approach different lived experiences in different ways, creating that melting pot of a huge variety that we would call unique. Right? Yeah. And, and, and that X factor is the culmination of all of that. And that, that can't be described, because there's no reference point. So in other words, to describe black, we need the reference point of white, right? Yeah, without without white, we can't describe black we need the black to describe the white. Right. Yeah. And because there's no reference point two, not unique. There is no not unique,
not unique, doesn't exist.
Everything is unique.
So because everything is unique,
there's no reference point.
There's no black to describe the whyIan Hawkins:
is, is the opposite of that the similarities that we create from those socializing structures you talked about. So if unique is the individual, the the sameness is what we try and find by having those different ways of connecting. Well, I mean, it'sChristopher Francis Edwards:
a little bit like trying to get the same view of a tree, right, you and I can both try Try as hard as we can, to get exactly the same perspective on a singular thing. Right? We can stand in exactly the same spot and look exactly the same, but it's still going to be different. You know, no matter how hard we try,
it's still gonna be unique, you know,
there's not going to be the same. In,
we can get close, we can get close. And we can communicate back and forth, and get closer and closer
to understanding to me understanding your unique experience of the tree, and to you understanding my unique experience of the tree, but closes or wherever gonna get. Yeah.Ian Hawkins:
Yeah, great point. So same with the colors, right? You're mentioned or visual representation of white and black and everything in between. Same thing. So this, this is sort of a fascinating area, and I want to get more back to the story. Because it's like, where is your fascination with this stuff born from you mentioned, sort of late teens, you talk about in your ladies been the entertainer, but like, what you describe to me, isn't those isn't those sort of formative years around the middle of high school?Christopher Francis Edwards:
Oh, I wasn't heard. I was I was the dog. Right?
Yeah. And, and, and, and,
for me, my place of safety growing up was in books, and in ending computers. So and I grew up in lower socioeconomic conditions. In I, I had a rough childhood. And so for me, for me, the solace that I found was in books. And and I remember reading Freud.
Like I said, I wasn'tIan Hawkins:
in the deep end, yeah.Christopher Francis Edwards:
well, well, I mean, I wanted to understand, right, I wanted to understand
what was going on with me? And what was going on with everyone else? What was going on in my family? What was going on at school? What was going on in society? Because none of that bloody made sense? Right?
Yep. Right, and just get a job and,
and doing nine to five never had to have was, that was never mean, you know? And, and so making sense of myself, and, and the world around me was was something that has has driven me for a long time.Ian Hawkins:
It's a it's a real product of trauma. Is that, that search for understanding and make various meaning. Absolutely. Right.Christopher Francis Edwards:
Because if you can name a name of fear, and if you can name a hurt, then you can then you can contend with it. Yeah, you know, the name was pain, and the nine was hurt that really, because you can't get to grips with it, right? If you can't name it. If you can't put a label on it on a pain or on a suffering, then it's elusive. You know, you've heard that you don't know why, you know, and, you know, you're not right, or isn't not right. I just don't know, you know, you name it. You go, oh, that's anxiety, or that's grief or that anger, whatever it is, right? As soon as you name it, then you you've got some sort of handle on it. Right? Yeah, um, one, variance is keep going. And it's like, You're not the first person to feel sad. Lots of people before us have felt sad. And lots of people have felt angry. And some of those people have come to terms with their anger or their sadness or whatever. And they've all come to terms in these unique ways. Right? Their environment, context and genetics.Ian Hawkins:
It's that feeling that it's permanent. Right and feeling that we're alone in the pain that's that's the, the challenge,Christopher Francis Edwards:
right? And these people what they do It is they wrote it down. Right? They wrote this story down. They said, Look, I really studied anger. And this is what I've come up with. I've really studied sadness. And this is what I came out with. Right? Yeah. And there's all these different perspectives on sadness, right?
and when you read those perspectives, you're really naming it. You know what I mean? You, you're really sort of naming that. And you're reading all these different stories about how these other people have come to terms with their own experience of self. Yeah, and, and then you can draw from that, right? You can say, well, this works for me. And you can give it a go. And if it doesn't, throw it out, and dry another tactic, or strategy, or whatever, and just keep going until you find things that work forIan Hawkins:
you. Absolutely. And I think the important thing is something you mentioned before is the uniqueness, no matter what you learn is bringing your unique flavor to whatever it is you've read, whatever everything you've been taught, because that's where the real key is, that's where that's where your own breakthroughs will be, is when you bring that amazing uniqueness to the table.Christopher Francis Edwards:
Right? So it's not a case of do what I've done, I'll do what I do, it's a case of do what you do. And this is what I've done. And if that can help you come up with anything for you. That's right. You know, and, and, and, and, but it's not, you know, and there's this myth, there's this, this, there's this, there's this deception, right? That when it comes to healing, that someone does healing to you.
And that you're somehow completely not involved, that somehow you're just gonna sit there and some qualified, whoever, while some beauty room with light shining out of their various sphincters gonna do that healing to you. Right. And you're gonna, you're gonna pay some money, you know, sit there, and you're gonna get healed. And if they don't get you healed, you'll get a refund or something. I mean, it's a joke, right? Yeah, it's, it's more of the harm your own. You're your own healer, your own therapist, you know? Yeah. Other people can be a consultant.
You know, you can consult for me, and you can, you know, give me tips and all the rest of it. But when it comes to project, Chris Yeah, I'm
Car Master and boss. And when it comes to project, Dan, and is the CEO, boss, Hilo top professor, Dr. Guy, you know, and everyone else is just new to the project. Right? Yeah. And it's just a consultant. And taking that power back.Ian Hawkins:
That's 100% I love that so much. It's saving. Yeah, it's taking the power back. It's it also plays into this idea that someone will come and fix me, someone will come and save me, someone will come and rescue me. Or I'm gonna go and fix this person. I'm gonna go and rescue them. And it keeps people and it keeps you or it keeps them Yeah, exactly. Perpetual victimhood.Christopher Francis Edwards:
And around and around guards, you know. There's only one person that can heal an individual and then and, and that's the individual therapists and doctors and so on and so forth. They can they can give you ideas, they can give you options. Well, ultimately, it's you're the
one who's gonna have to live with Yeah. So, Kevin home with you to suffer? YouIan Hawkins:
know, exactly. Reminds me of a song actually, he talks about exactly that. What I wish I could keep in my pocket, you referring to the therapist, but it's comes back to something that we were discussing, robustly the other day around just the meaning of words. What if someone defined a healer, as someone who created a safe space for someone to be able to do their own healing? And if you look at it like that, that it's like, well, whatever you want to call that?Christopher Francis Edwards:
Right it and so many, so many of our work eggs have been bastardized, which makes it really hard, you know, to communicate effectively. But what you just described is what a healer it really is. Because a healer is not in any way going to disempower you from healing yourself, they're going to facilitate that. Right? And they're going to open as much space as possible for you to realize that actually, you don't need them at all. And you never did. Right. And that's the goal of any healer is to do themselves out of a jobIan Hawkins:
100% And actually, ancient tribes, that was the doctor was rewarded on zero people being sick, not the system we live on now. Which is, it's the whole system is designed for people to be sick, because then increases the the, in inverted commas health care system,Christopher Francis Edwards:
right? Well, I mean, the most profitable person for the for the system is is someone who's half dead, right? Because if you're half dead, you're reliant. You're an addict, on the health system, right? Yeah. But if you did, well, you no longer you no longer a customer. And if you're healthy, you're no longer a customer. So you need to be half, half alive half day, and this weird sort of in between place where you're consistently needing more therapy and treatments, you know, whereas the goal of pre healing is to make sure that you never need that again.Ian Hawkins:
Exactly. So we got a little bit off track there coming back to your story, but also extremely valuable information. So thank you for sharing that. Chris. You said you found Freud. And you said there was a particular line that really struck you and shifted the dial?Christopher Francis Edwards:
Yeah. So according to Freud's theories, a person with my lived experiences would never ever amount to anything.Ian Hawkins:
And that destroyed me how confronting it that age,Christopher Francis Edwards:
right, that destroyed me. According to Freud, I would never be able to conform to social standards, and I would be troubled throughout my adult life, and blah, blah, blah. And he described exactly how my life would play out from his perspective as a psycho analysis.Ian Hawkins:
Yeah, so before that, but just before we get too far into what came after that, what, specifically if, again, as long as you're happy to go here? What specific life experiences? Are you talking about? That?Christopher Francis Edwards:
A variety of abuses and traumas? Serious, serious stuff? Some of it was very serious. Yeah. And I don't want to talk too much about it. Because we've always other people want to get delve too deeply. But let's just say that I've experienced every genre of trauma that exists. So rather than 47 stitches over my body cracks go scar tissue on work, right? I could go on.Ian Hawkins:
So So rather than talking about the incidence in the people involved, what about as a youngster and now even as you've gone through your adult years, how have you learned to cope with the impacts of those traumas? I have.Christopher Francis Edwards:
That's the honest truth. And more honestly, still, I'm always coping better. Awesome. And that and that's, that's a key,Ian Hawkins:
right? Yes.Christopher Francis Edwards:
Because Because so many people out there are presenting this front. That they are somehow they've got it together.
They healed now. Released Yeah, I got past the finish line. I
joke. All right. Yeah, it's always gonna get better. And it's never gonna be done. So how am I correct? I haven't. I'm coping better. And I'm getting stronger, and smarter and faster, and more confident, and more able all the time. Love it. And I still have huge numbers of flaws, failings and hang out. They weigh on I write, and I still get Are you ready? I still get anxious and scared.
And I still get angry. Upset friends time to time.
I mean the joint the bloody roller coaster you just got to hang on and screen guys. That's really what else are you gonna bloody? Do you know?Ian Hawkins:
How do you live with yourself, man?Christopher Francis Edwards:
Well, I'm tarping betterIan Hawkins:
so, when does When do you go from being the self proclaimed dork or nerd to being the comedian? Did that just flow naturally? Or was that one of the coping mechanisms?Christopher Francis Edwards:
Oh, it's both. I think humor was definitely started out as a coping mechanism. There's no doubt about that. But it developed into far more. And, and the idea of becoming an entertainer and, and and recapturing my childhood vicariously through my audience was was was definitely a subconscious push towards that area. And I felt safe there. Because, because I'm I felt safe there because there was no making people laugh. There could be no wrong in that. Right? There could be no harm that could come from that. Whereas I wasn't so sure about everywhere else. Yeah, wow. Yeah,Ian Hawkins:
I can relate that,Christopher Francis Edwards:
that. That was the safest for me that that at the time. That felt that felt fine. Because that could only be good. could come from my actions there.Ian Hawkins:
My that is so good. I get goose bumps. It's and we talked about before we came on here like well, what's going to have the best impact for the audience what you just said there, everyone has a moment or a part of their life, which provided that sanctuary or that safety and for me, it was sport, right? Like shy kid and every other part of life but but I happen to have some pivotal mentors in my life in that area that helped me find a voice and find confidence and, and find all these things. And then the fact that you then taken that journey that became you're almost got you're gonna find uniqueness, right. You've found sacred sanctuary and safety. So now you're helping other people to do the same man. What a gift. Yeah. And, I mean, there'sChristopher Francis Edwards:
something there, they're their theories on like, I won't go into too much depth here. I'll try and make it very straightforward. But there's theories around beta and alpha monkeys. There's a lot of but the one of the one of the points that I want to make here is is that the alpha male monkey, how he attracts mates mites, and groups, a lot of biters is through territory. So he staked out his area in the forest with the best fruit trees and the best second resources, whatever. And he makes it safe. Right? Yep. And that's what attracts the gifts. Yeah, yeah. And what attracts the other monkeys, etc, etc, etc. is creating that safe space with resources available? Yeah, yeah, we're more than just money a little bit, right. And we can, we can a little bit. We can have territories in metaphysical areas. So when I say that, what I mean is you can have a territory in mechanical engineering. Right? Yeah. Yeah. And you can stake out a territory there. And that territory then provides resources and can provide a place of safety and security for other biters that are just coming up. Yeah, love it. They can provide energy. And a man or a mission attracts the girl. Right? There's a reason for that.Ian Hawkins:
Yeah. Yeah. 100%Christopher Francis Edwards:
And so you You can have your metaphysical territory and the study of goddamn butterfly wings if you want. Or in circus. Yeah. And, and so stay get a territory. I mean, there's no competition. It's one of the beautiful things. Right?Ian Hawkins:
Yes. And particularly when we stay get their territory, which is completely aligned to our uniqueness. And what I want to come back to. Yeah, come back to your, you talked about at one point, right? You're doing you're an entertainer you doing? You're doing the DJ stuff you don't children's entertainment Film Television, of all those different mediums, which was the one that that lit you up the most?Christopher Francis Edwards:
I can't answer that.
I can't answer that.Ian Hawkins:
Yeah, you're talking about the differences and what what was what was what was each one special in its own way.Christopher Francis Edwards:
So entertaining, the different genres of entertainment as far as like the difference between piano and guitar? Right?Ian Hawkins:
It seems specifically for you, right, like so. Right? The the areas that you mentioned to me that you actually were employed, like, which of those ones will tell us a little bit about each of those so?Christopher Francis Edwards:
Well, again, for me, it's largely irrelevant. So when I say it's largely irrelevant, it's like the difference. If you're talking to a carpenter, saying to the carpenter, which would which do you prefer a hammer or a saw it, he's just gonna shrug your shoulders and say, it depends on the job, right? Because that's what it is, you know, you've got tools in the tray, and you've got a job to do. As an entertainer. Music is just a tool, just to hammer. The job is the atmosphere, the job is the crowd, the job is the feeling the job is, you know, making people feel something, that's the job.Ian Hawkins:
And now we're getting,Christopher Francis Edwards:
you might be wanting to make them feel, you know, a bit of silly joy with clowning, or you might be wanting to give them a moment of reflection for a funeral. Or you might be wanting to give them and so on and so forth. And then I've got all these tools of my job and my trade, through music through voice through, so on and so forth for sonar to get the job done. Right. Yeah, yeah. So for me, there's no clowning or DJing. Or, or is there? They're all just different tools. You know, that's all they are. There's no,Ian Hawkins:
they are. And yet, you gave me what it is there because some entertainers are doing it because they want to be in the spotlight, and they're doing it for ego purposes. For others, it's like a means to an end financially. And there's an element for that to what you described there, is making people feel something, right. And in a world where there's so much numbness or suppression or avoidance, like, that's your uniqueness, right. And I see that out there and the stuff you put out, which, like I said, was what drew me and we've got the comedic, like serious topics, but just making the comedy side of it made, that's what I love. And I think that's, for me, that's what what I would say is such a great gift from you to the world.Christopher Francis Edwards:
Thank you. And yeah, making people feel something that was the job. And, and, and there were moments of me doing my job, where I really hit, you know, hit that nail on the head, you know, I really did my job. Well, you know, but
you know, there are some times where you just nail it, you know, and I mean, and there are other times where you get it but you know you didn't nail it but you got it you know and and then there are the then there you occasional floss that I never ever talked about. No, no one needs to know about
them. But then there are those times right, where there is just where there's that moment. And I just dropped the right tracking, you know, the beats patch in it, and the melody sync. And NHD just perfect, right. The moment is perfect. Yeah. And the crowd goes off. And then and it's not about the music, you know, but you It is, but it's not about the crowd it is it's not about the performance that it is. All those things are just tools, that what you're trying to create is that moment, right, that's what you're trying to create is that, just that build in that building, that, that explosion of emotion where you try and help or feel moved by whatever's just happened. And, and those moments, that's what stands out to me. And I've got numerous times of those, those moments where it's just been perfect. You know, and, and, and those are the moments I'll never forget, you know, it's, it's those moments Not, not not specific to any style, or any genre or, or, or anything like that. It's those were the moments I leave.Ian Hawkins:
Yeah, I love that. And it comes back to a word you mentioned beforehand. And you said, a real pivotal moment for you was coming back to oneness. And so through your art, that's exactly what you're creating, right? You're creating for everyone in that audience, a moment of oneness, where everyone is feeling that same. euphoria, togetherness, joy, like, yeah, that's, that's magic. And I don't think anyone who's listening as has experienced that when they've been in a crowd of some kind.Christopher Francis Edwards:
Right? And, you know, it's funny for me, so, because that was my job for a long time, I became very sensitive to atmosphere. Right? Because then the sphere is my job. Yeah. And everyone's experienced atmosphere and a big crowd of people, right? Yep. Everyone knows what that experience is. You've all felt it, whether it's whether it's at a grand final day, or in a nightclub, or at a protest, or even in a work meeting, right? Yeah, there's that atmosphere. The more people there are, the bigger the atmosphere gets. Yeah, yeah. But what if you drop it down, you get like, just a group of people like six people, that atmosphere is still there. Right? But it's not as big is so small. And then you bring it down to two or three people. Now you can barely even tell that there is an atmosphere, right? But it's still there isn't?
Right. Now bring it down to just you. What is your atmosphere? Yeah, beautiful. And
when you think about that, it's like you're a fish in the ocean? Do you see the water? Because you carry your atmosphere everywhere you go with you? Don't you? Yeah. You never know.
You're never out of it. You, you're always in your atmosphere.Ian Hawkins:
And down,Christopher Francis Edwards:
and the more you think about your individual atmosphere, the more you can start seeing how your individual atmosphere contributes to group atmosphere. Yes. And the more you can see group atmosphere contributing to you. Yep. And then you can sort of start taking more of a conscious viewpoint of your atmosphere and making it as beneficial to the group as possible. Yeah, love it. And then you can be a bit of a filtration system as well. To stop harmful group atmosphere coming through you. Right, yeah. And to amplify more beneficial group atmosphere, but that all comes down to your individual
of frequency or whatever it is, you want to call it, right? Because I mean, talk to everyone knows but talking about your personal Ah, that's that's never getting where we'reIan Hawkins:
at is but it isn't. It's like is what what energy do you want to bring to an environment because we know we all know that ripples out? We all know that someone can come into a room and and negatively impact the energy the atmosphere immediately. So why can we do the same reciprocated when we bring in a better energy? Cost? Yeah.Christopher Francis Edwards:
And how do you go about doing that?
And um, what is that atmosphere? Exactly. And, and it all comes from heartspace, doesn't it? Because when you think about it, when When you think about someone who's really having a good time in their lives, everything's working out for them. They're in the flow. They walk into the room, and it's an uplifting experience.Ian Hawkins:
I would say, it's it's heart and mind and soul. So it's bringing everything to the table in beautiful unison. Right? Right.Christopher Francis Edwards:
But if someone's out of that equilibrium, or someone is, is, is, is hurting, or upset, and they come into the room, they don't have
to say anything. Yeah, do anything.
You know, on everyone knows. Right? Yeah. And the atmosphere drops. Right.
And so we can,
it's not about being positive all the time, because obviously, that's not being authentic is it? That's not being real. It's it's being conscious, isn't it, it's being understanding of how your atmosphere is impacting on other people and how their atmosphere is impacting on you. And then regulating that, and being aware of that. And, and, and trying to bring more and more of that authentic you that you can to this thing we call humanity. You know? Yeah.Ian Hawkins:
So if sum that up beautifully, Chris, and I thank you for that. And for you bringing your intentional energy to this conversation. It's been fantastic. I'd love to tap into more of what you said, then. What's your best advice for people listening on regulating their own energy? I think I thinkChristopher Francis Edwards:
just being aware, is, is probably the best sort of one point I one tip that I can do is being aware that you do have an atmosphere. That's good and aware that you do generate that what you're feeling, or other people can feel. Yeah. And what they're feeling you can feel. So I think everyone's heard of six wells, most people have heard of six degrees of separation, right? Yeah. So the idea is that if I get in touch with the right friend, and have the right friend have the right friend six times, right, that I can get in touch with anyone in the world that we're all connected through Wi Fi with a six speed or mathematically speaking. Yeah, that's actually more like 4.2. Now, yeah, it's getting lower every day. Every day, we make more online connections, and we're making more and more that's getting one word every day. Nothing is more contagious than an emotion. A smile will spread throughout
a crowd faster than anything,
any virus. Could. Yeah, they will a frown. Yep.
And when you understand that, you understand that the ocean that is humanity is only 4.2 People D? Well, we're all feeling a little bit of the grief of every single death that happens on the planet. Yeah. And we all feel a little bit of the joy at every single birth.Ian Hawkins:
Oh, wow. That'sChristopher Francis Edwards:
and that's oneness. And at any point, you can tap into either of those frequencies.Ian Hawkins:
So powerful, Chris, because that that sentence that people have heard and probably just see it as a bit of a cliche is like change you change the world. Like you've just described how that can happen and much quicker than what people think you literally can make changes to your life that will ripple out and has a positive effect. The smile is a classic example. Try and smile every person you come across on the street and just watch their day change. And then that will continue to reply.Christopher Francis Edwards:
People don't realize but you know, right now there's someone in therapy talking about the only reason they didn't talk themselves was because some stranger small random on a bus. Yeah, that might have
been you. Yeah, good. Any any You don't even know and you'll never know.
Right? It might be that you smiled at the person that smiled at that guy on the boss and only smiled, because you did.
And then you really don't
get any nice
disconnect connected, right?Ian Hawkins:
But at the same time, there isn't knowing that they'reChristopher Francis Edwards:
using overusing now,
and there's that X factor again, right? Yeah, because they reason now.Ian Hawkins:
Like, we could talk about this for hours and hours. I know this is only a small snippet, snippet of your story. But there was so much golden wisdom in this and for people to share and, and for you to share the it's like the description of the art of entertaining and comedy. And I thank you, I appreciate you and appreciate all that you share today, Chris, thank you so much.Christopher Francis Edwards:
Oh, my absolute pleasure, and good luck to all and health and well, wellness.Ian Hawkins:
Awesome. Thanks, man.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform