Why Tolerating Things That You Know You Shouldn’t Is Keeping You Stuck

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you, during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have, okay, let's get into it.

Even get in that place where you tolerate something or you agree to something. And then not long after you instantly regret it and wonder why you did but often it's too late to turn back. So I've just come out of a cafe with a mate there where we're going for. Yeah, we're having a having a hot drink and talking about a bit of business stuff. And the place that he wanted to go to. He'd been there before really liked it. And then we go in there and like there's nothing on this menu I can have now, he told me would have just gone, I'll just suck it up and have something and that I don't want and then not be happy about it and then grumble about it in my head and, and instead I just went Ah look, I know you need to be here for the next little while because of x y Zed and I have to go into details about that. But I'm gonna be around the corner on I get, I'm gonna get the drink that I want. Where I know I can get it. And then we'll come back and we'll we'll catch up after that and finish the conversation. He was about to go on a call with someone else anyway, I was just gonna be working on my laptop. So it's easy to find a compromise. But it just got me thinking now as I walk from one cafe to the next is how often over the years, I've just tolerated so much stuff, maybe you get a meal. And, and it wasn't exactly as you asked, and you just went I'll eat it anyway. Or maybe different situation in my life where certain behavior from different people. And again, I just tolerated it and try my best to just to keep them happy and recovering people pleaser, right? I did that forever. So my question to you is, where are you still doing that? And how can you change that behavior, so that you're able to still be a kind and compassionate person still come with love, but also don't tolerate shit they don't want to tolerate, don't tolerate behaviors from other people don't tolerate things that just aren't to your liking. Because you actually get to choose. And like I said, it doesn't mean that you have to be nasty, it doesn't mean that you have to be difficult, but you do get to choose. So I've got fairly restricted diet by choice, because there are certain things I just won't tolerate in my body anymore. And there are different times where I may be a bit more lacs about those rules. If if I'm out and about celebrating, or whatever else, eating things I wouldn't usually eat, but I know the impact that's gonna have on my body. So generally, I don't tolerate it, which might mean that at different times, I've just gone I'll just honestly whatever's there and sometimes have things I wish I hadn't. But now it's like, well, no, I'll just find a way to make it work around that. And again, it's I'm not gonna be putting anyone out. If their choices to, you know, serve, whatever they serve, then all good, I'll just bring my own or I'll find another way or I need before I go or whatever else it is. There's a heap of different ways this will show up in your life, there's a heap of different places where you might find yourself tolerating different things that really, you know, in your heart that you shouldn't, you shouldn't be. And it doesn't mean that you throw everything out and you go, alright, from now on, I'm only going to do what I want. It's not about that. It's not about being selfish, but it is being about having self control to know what's most important, and not investing time in what's not. So the amount of times I've taken clients through one of the very first steps I take them through which is getting a list of their top priorities in their life, and then get them to rank them in order. And then I take them through a process of looking at where They're investing their time. And

they quickly realized that not only are they putting a lot of time and energy into things way down their list, they're also putting a lot of time and energy into things that aren't even on their list. So they're living other people's lives, other people's agendas, other people's needs. That at the expense of themselves. Now, while we will reiterate, it doesn't mean that we don't consider other people's needs and do our best to meet the needs of the most important people in our world, just not at our own expense. For us to be the best for those important people in our world, we need to make sure that first and foremost that we're looking after ourselves. Now even for some clients, this can be challenging and, and they grapple with that idea of putting themselves at the top of that list. And I did to the very first time I did that process, I had myself down for over time, I realized that for me to be able to show up in the best way possible for me, and for my wife and for my kids and for my family. And for all the most important people in my world. I needed to start treating myself so much better stop trying to people please stop trying to be everything to everyone because I wasn't certainly wasn't keeping them happy. And the least person I was keeping happy with myself. So have a think about it today. Where can you start changing what you tolerate. And standing your ground standing your power, standing your strength, and start taking back self control, and releasing the need to control others or be controlled by others. And be gentle with yourself as you start on this journey. Because it's it's a tough journey and you're not going to get it right. You're not going to get it right, first time every time. You might get it right a few times along the way, but you're going to get better at as you go. Make a commitment to yourself, of putting yourself first no longer tolerating stuff that's just not not in alignment for you not in your ballpark, not even in the same suburb. And just watch how much happier you become. And interestingly, how much happier the people around you become as well. Enjoy your day. Speak to you tomorrow.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform